17. Phnom Penh, Parte the firste: Khmer Boxing

All of the roads I'd been on in Cambodia were really flat, and straight and long. For one things this lead me to believe that the country actually didn't have any hills. I still don't know if it does, to be honest. Despite the long straight roads everyone still seemed to drive like a complete maniac. Our minivan driver was no exception on our journey to Phnom Pehn, careening around all the other traffic with his hand permanently glued to the horn.
About an hour from the capital, the motorway (well it was only 1 lane) (not that this stopped people from using the side of the road all the time) (or any bit of the road not occupied with an object, for that matter) descended into a dusty, rocky, gravelly mess. Apparently it was undergoing some sort of rejuvenation. The driver, unconcerned by the deterioration of the road surface, continued on at breakneck pace. After about 10 minutes, somewhat unsurprisingly, one of the tyres blew. He had a spare though, a little to my surprise. I has assumed that his laissez faire attitude towards safety on the road would also apply to preparing for such things as a flat tyre.

So we arrived in Phnom Pehn in one piece and proceeded to shop around for a tuk tuk. After finding one we took a mini tour of the several guest houses that we had earmarked ahead of setting out from Siem Reap. It took some time as we discover that the ones we wanted were either full or a bit too pricey. Our driver finally suggested one called "OK Guest House". I found it to be ok. We took a couple of rooms there (only $7 a night) and settled in.

The guest house seemed rather popular with tuk tuk drivers for some reason, many relaxed in the street outside and seemed to filter in and out of the front lobby / restaurant area that opened out onto the street and where the common area was. The drivers were quite friendly and chatty, and thanks to a tip from one of them we learn there was going to be a fairly big Khmer boxing fight in the city, part of the national championship. This sounded like fun, so the driver that mentioned it took us.

Khmer boxing

It was very busy at the arena. There was a film crew there for TV coverage. There was even a cordoned off area especially for a large group of gamblers, who smoked profusely and waggled bits of paper at eachother. Our driver joined us in the arena as well.

It was entertaining to watch the fights, I couldn't tell you any more detail than that, really. I wasn't sure if there was match rigging going on, but one in one of the bouts a fighter was knocked clean out within 2 punches, so I did wonder. This made the gaggle of smoking gamblers hoot and yell in disapproval. Or it might have been approval, it was difficult to tell.
The driver seemed to be especially in to the whole thing, miming the punches and wincing emphatically. He told us on the way back that he actually used to do Khmer boxing.

The next day I explored the city a little. Cambodia historically had been a French colony, and this was clear from many French influences in some of the structures and leafy open spaces. The traffic was quite sketchy. It mostly comprised of scooters. On some of the bigger roads there was no break in the flow, and so you simply had to walk out into it and hope that they would avoid you.

That evening was begun inauspiciously with some drop dead exciting admin. Pat's bank were asking him to confirm his identity by sending a fax or some such. We embarked on our quest but despite being in the capital city, finding somewhere with fax technology proved nigh on impossible. We spent a good couple of hours attempting to find somewhere to do it with no success.
Eventually we ended up asking our driver from earlier if he knew anywhere. Indeed he did. Turns out it was in the one place we didn't check, about 10 minutes from our guest house along the river front. We thanked him and before long it was all sorted. On the way back we had some food and a fair few drinks. We went via the palace of the king of Cambodia. It was very well lit up and spectacular. There were lots of locals outside the palace, sat on mats, praying, selling or eating food and just generally hanging out. We speculated inconclusively as to what they were doing there, before getting back near midnight a little tipsy and very tired.

The driver was somehow still there and awake. He greeted us cordially and bade us good night. I started to suspect he lived in his tuk tuk.

16. Mekong Whiskey

The following day Pat had overcome his gastronomic woes, so to make up for lost time we decided to get a tuk tuk to some temples, which would allow to more distant areas like the ancient Banta Srei, This temple was very ornate but quite small, only a few heads taller than i was.

temple running

That evening we celebrated the successful day by drinking a titanic amount of alcohol, mostly at the guest house. We chatted and took turns to choose songs to play on our phones. At one point we ran out of booze so took a jaunt down the road to try and find an open shop.
The problem was it was extremely late and we could not see anything that might want to sell us anything. What we did see was a group of young Cambodian men gathered around some scooters on a street corner, not appearing to be up to much. As we approached they asked us "where we go" (as men with scooters have a habit of doing) so we asked them: Where is open and will sell us whiskey? They knew just the place. So we both hopped on the back of a scooter and we were taken to a shop that was open. After a short browse we discovered a 70cl whiskey called Mekong whiskey that cost $1.30. Holy crap! I thought. We got this and a bottle of coke, then got driven back to the guest house.

After that we sat out on the shared balcony overlooking the street. It was quite pleasant and warm, from what I remember. Which wasn't a great deal. At one point someone came out to have a look around. We said hello. He was a Japanese tourist so we invited him to have some of our whiskey. He politely accepted and joined us, His English wasn't great so he used google translate on my phone to converse with us, letting us know it was his last night in the city, asking where we were from etc.
At one point Pat, sat on the balcony railing fell off in the wrong direction, I nearly had a heart attack. He fell down about one story onto the top of the reception area below us. I jumped up and looked down, at which point he was already getting up, laughing. He hopped into the balcony on the floor near him and made his way back up, unhurt.

We made plans to stay another couple of nights in Siem Reap then head down to Phnom Pehn, so I spent the next day or two exploring Siem Reap and taking one more cycle tour of some of the other smaller temples that I had not yet visited. I even treated myself to one of those foot massages you can get with fish, They gave me a beer to sip whilst watching people pass in the street, so it felt very peculiar but not unpleasant.

All too quickly it came time to leave, so we packed our things and bundled into a minivan bound for the capital.

15. Angkor What?

I had made it to Cambodia. A different side of the country than I had been expecting, but by this point I was only making plans for things that lay directly in my future feeling very much like a leaf on the wind.

First order of business in the early evening in Siem Reap was to get some food with my new friend Pat Carty. There was a local looking place across the street from our guesthouse so we popped in there. I ordered what I believed to be a filling Khmer dish, but which turned out to be a pathetic amount of plain chicken and a tiny pile of plain rice.
After that we strolled to where we had been lead to understand by guidebooks that the nightlife was, primarily: pub street. We had a beer, and then another, and so on.
We got to know each other fairly well. He was 19 and from near Winnipeg in Canada. Bit of an outdoorsman, enjoying ski-ing, Kayaking etc and of course: Hockey.

During that evening various establishments were visited. We ended up in a bar where we challenged a couple of Cambodian guys to pool (as I had been itching for a game fora while), It may have been my inebriation, but I could not understand the peculiar rules they were using. Well the peculiar rules, which took 10 minutes to fathom, were that they were potting odds and evens, rather than spots and stripes which is what I thought was going on. In any case we were soundly thrashed several times. We tended to our wounded pride by drinking several pitchers of beer and dancing the night away.

The next day I nursed a hangover and generally planned some things to do during my time in Siem Reap. One of those things was to rent a bike to cycle around the area where the ancient and famous temples were. I bumped into Pat who was similarly hung over, and then later the couple from the bus. That evening I revealed my cunning plan to cycle around the temples. Pat said that sounded good and to knock on his door in the morning to go,
The next morning I tried to wake him as asked but there was no response! I tried a few more times but to no avail. With that, assuming that he had changed his mind, I went down to reception where they rented bikes at a very reasonable rate ($5 for the day), took one and headed out with a map in my pocket.
It was an absolutely fantastic journey. The weather was glorious (I did get a little burned). I found my way to the epic and magnificent Ankor Wat - the most notorious of the temples in the area. After paying a dollar to leave my bike near some other bikes I took a look around, It was very spectacular, although as it was nearing lunch it was starting to get very busy.
Following Angkor wat I rode around a further 5 or 6 temples, some were vast and magnificent such as Angkor Thom which had huge ornate pillars with faces carved into the stone. Another was smaller but built into the jungle with trees growing through the crumbling walls, and networks of winding roots sprawling over the walls, paving and ground.

The bike came equipped with a manly pink basket

With weary legs from cycling all day I made my way back to the guesthouse. I saw Pat who was fairly embarrassed to admit that we was not able to join me on the ride as he had been... "confined to the toilet" shall we say. I made him feel better by describing what an amazing and unmissable time I had experienced.

14. The border to Cambodia

The night bus to Bangkok was uneventful, and sleepless. We arrived in the city in the small hours (5 am or so). I once again had no intention of spending any more time in Bangkok than was absolutely necessary, and had already booked my onward travel from a harassed looking attendant at the packed ferry terminal leaving Kho Phagnan. It had scrawled on it that I was to be picked up at 9 from a hotel near a McDonalds on Kao San road.

Like the last time as we disembarked from the bus there was a small crowd of sleepy but eager looking taxi drivers waiting to take us where we needed to go. I did not recognise where I was so I asked one of the taxi drivers how much it would cost to go to Kao San road, expecting him to quote something exorbitant, but amazingly he told me I could just walk because it was only round the corner. I thanked him and headed off.

When I arrived I saw Kao San for in it's very small hours.  It was much the same as I had left it: rowdy bars; pop-up stalls selling various things; an impromptu party in the middle of the street where travellers had gathered around a portable stereo to dance. I was tired so rather than join in I focused on finding the pick up point for later. Eventually I found the posh hotel by the McDonalds. The staff helpfully advised that the mini bus pick up point was actually outside the McDonalds. So with that I went in there and purchased myself a McSomethingorother breakfast and settled in to wait.
I got talking to a couple from the UK who were also waiting for a transfer to Cambodia, except they were heading to Siam Reap in the north rather than the capital Phnom Penh which is where I was headed. After whiling away a couple more hours it came to pick up time so we gathered outside. As I had become accustomed to from Thai transfers; They were late. The girl from the couple was obviously less patient and agonised over where they were at length. There were a few other people waiting with us, a Canadian guy called Pat and some Thai holiday makers. I conversed briefly with Pat who was also headed to Siem Reap as well. I was starting to think that my plan to go to Phnom Pehn first was foolish! Although whilst I say plan, the only thing I had resolved to do was go to Phnom Pehn and then Vietnam at some point thereafter. Well after about another hour, and more fretting from the girl a man sauntered over and lead us to the minibus.

The journey to the border took us around 4 hours which was mostly spent chatting with the couple and Pat. During this time I decided that I too would head to Siem Reap, since obviously that's what all the cool kids were doing. It made sense too because going from there to Phnom Pehn was a neat line that could lead to the coast.
We got to the border and were hoofed out into some kind of office in the middle of nowhere that seemed to be something to do with tourism, or maybe it was a restaurant. It was tough to tell. I had been warned by my guidebook that where would be people that would try to rip you off going from Thailand to Cambodia for visas and connections etc - so had a suspicion that this what was happening here. However it did not seem like we had much of a choice, and also the office rep character was quite convincing in his assurances that this was all completely necessary and normal. Fundamentally I wasn't overly concerned because it seemed like going along with it would result in me being in Cambodia, which is all I really cared about at that point. In the end the price was fine, their fee, the visa, transport and changing my ticket from Phnom Pehn to Siem Reap turned out to only be inflated by something like $10 from the absolute minimum when I worked it out later, All of us English speakers booked into the same guest house as it seemed like a good deal.

With all of the admin complete we were loaded into a covered pick up (like the Sanglanthews in Chiang Mai) accompanied by the "rep" from the office. It was only a short ride, after which we  enjoyed a walk to the border proper. On the walk our rep lectured us all about how we must be careful in Cambodia because everything is terrible there. We would be ripped off for converting our home currency, so before we go we should take some Thai Baht from an ATM machine to change. Then he also told us to be careful on the way to the border, and look nobody in the eye in case we get mugged. The tensions between Thailand and Cambodia must run deep!
In the end it was fine and apart from having to queue for a long time none of us had any issues getting into the country,

My first impression of Cambodia was that people generally seemed a little worse off, some people begging and on the roads I saw quite a few vehicles that appeared to just be an engine with a pole sticking out of it and a seat nailed on, chugging along at 20 mph.

The journey was only interrupted by our requests to stop for a snack and to change our money. So we were taken to a random featureless building where we all changed up our Thai Baht for Cambodian dollars. Well, they were US Dollars but apparently that we the de facto currency here thanks to runaway inflation of the actual currency: riels.

Siam Reap

We arrived in Siem Reap in the early evening and after a pleasant tuk tuk ride we booked into the Angkor Thom guest house and I am pleased to confirm that we did not get ripped off or mugged by anyone.

13. Full Moon Party

In the last exciting installment of: why I am a buffoon, I described how I slept through the half moon party. Well I refused to have it be a thing that I would leave Ko Phagnan without experiencing some sort of [phase of moon] party. The full moon party was in just under 2 weeks time, so I decided that in the name of science I would bear the unwanted task of being on sunny Ko Phagnan till then.

One thing that had been plaguing the island were endless power cuts. The day after the half moon there was another one of these - except this time it did not seem like it would ever end! I met up with Jack and his friend and we decided to see if the power cuts were only affecting First Villas by taking a trip to Had Rin beach (where the full moon party would be). We were joined by my other neighbors: a brother sister pair from California.

We grabbed a taxi and headed out. Once there we quickly discovered that they too had no power either. Well we decided to make the most of our visit, and made our way to a bar to drank a million Changs in the rain and gloom. The power never did come back on so eventually we drunkenly got a taxi back in pitch blackness.

A few days later Jack and his friend headed off to Ko Phi Phi. Almost as soon as they had departed the monsoon hit with a fury that lasted for days. That meant that for pretty much the remainder of my stay my intended activities were hampered somewhat. Well: I say activities, although this might be a bit of a grand description for my designs on sitting around on the beach. Anyway instead of that I spend most of my time in shelter reading, drinking and chilling. I did take the odd trip to the nearest town to explore and get drenched.
On one occasion in the interest of keeping active I visited a gym. I managed to track one down in a nearby town with help from the couple who ran first villas. It turned out that this gyms primary function was for Mai Thai boxing training, so the equipment all flanked a boxing ring where people were practicing sparring. I huffed and puffed on equipment near the edge and attempted to look rough and like I belonged there.

Eventually the night of the full moon dawned. I had obviously vowed to not miss it come hell or high water. So I had booked a taxi ages in advance and was ready waiting a good 20 minutes before it was due. A pickup containing some other revelers duly arrived and we were on our way over the hills to Had Rin! We made good time and I found a transformed place from the one I had visited some days ago, being as it was, stuffed with 20,000 luminous party goers all going for it on a one mile stretch of beach.

It wasn't only this picture that got blurry

I felt conspicuously sober, so grabbed the first bucket of booze I could find, and headed into the throng. It was good fun chatting to strangers and checking out the different djs dotted about the place. After a while I plopped down onto the beach and got talking to a group of English folk: Paul, Rita, Jane and Simon*. We quickly found out that we were all from the same town! What are the chances, dear reader?

I can't remember who suggested it but we all agreed to drink shots from Mellow Mountain. Things went a bit sideways after that. Everyone in unison felt compelled to have a lie down on the beach. I spent some time enjoying looking at the various vast epic vistas i could see playing out on the clouds above me.

Various party-goers did pop over to chat to us on our backs  staring in amazement at the sky, curious as to what the big deal was. One of the only such chat I remember is one girl, dressed in loomy clothes and body paint. She asked how I was, I told her I was fine, and decided to pay the best compliment I could manage, so I said that she was colourful.

One inkling of sense beamed through the fog of my inebriation. It alerted me to the fact that these gigantic clouds that we were staring at might have some water in them. As I shared my epiphany with the others it started to absolutely chuck it down. Back to Mushroom Mountain we hurriedly went for shelter, finally making it with only minor injuries.
From then on I don't really remember anything. I am fairly sure that at one point me and one of the group may have found out how to end global conflict... or was it the cure starvation? I'm not sure. I could have sworn that I had written it on my hand, but when I checked the next day there was only a smiley face drawn there.

I finally got back to First Villas with about 5 hours to pack everything and have a snooze before my onward ferry. Timing the ferry ticket for the day after the full moon party probably slightly foolish in hindsight. Not only because I was quite hung over and bleary, but also that half of the tourists on the island had the same idea, which I realised at the ferry port which was bursting at the seams when I got there.
The ferry to Surat Thani was massively full. Still the buses to Bangkok were comfortable and I caught up on some sleep. I was headed for Cambodia!

* These names are completely made up. At this point I had drunk about 3 bucketfuls of drink, and so I had absolutely no idea what their names were.