The best thing ever

Well I can't have my super awesome blog sitting here without an update. I can hardly post about how I have done fuck all on the list - so I will post about whatever the hell I want. Just so long as it brings a smile to the little face of you, dearest reader.

Today, what is on my mind is how I have seen a few pretty damn sexy films is what is on my mind. Seeing as I have absolutely no experience with film reviews I thought I would be the best person to write about them.

1. The new avengers one, called assemble or something similar. gather? coalesce? can't remember. Anyway its Joss Whedon directing a film lots of people want to see and he does a great job. It's got humor and great action.

2. Pirates in an adventure with scientists. Its a claymation film aimed at kids but it is damn funny actually

3. Red State. Better than I was lead to believe. I liked how you get attached to many of the characters - however small - even if they end up with a bullet in the eye. Some dull bits with people waffling on about Jesus.

So watch all three and it will make you happy and successful and more attractive to the opposite sex for realz.

Oh and the best thing ever is tea and toast.

Spiderman III (possible spoiler)

Item 12: See a new film every week for a year

This week - Spiderman III.
I enjoyed this film almost exactly as much as the others in this franchise. Quite a lot. It had a jumbolarge budget and it shows - there sure are some massive stunts and awesome effects. It also is full of emoness and In-your-facenosity thanks to: venom.

Venom Peter says fuck you Mary, I'm gonna have a spontaneous Jazzoff in this cafe with this beautiful acquintance right in front of you. That will teach you for having spontaneous kitchen dances with my best friend / come nemesis / come saviour of the day

Score: 4 Rick points

Warning: This review may contain strong language and made up words

Item 5: Grow my hair

The most passive and least interesting of my tasks. I can confirm that the growth of my hair proceeds as planned.

The longest bits are approximately 12.79 cm (at the front) and just over 2 cm at the back. Unfortunately as my hair is curly this is not an accuarate guage of my hair length - as it would appear to be roughly half that length.

tune in soon for more thrilling, hair related updates

Films

Item 12 - watch a new film every week for a year

The task to watch one new film every week for a year does not neccessarily involve writing a review of each one, and I cannot be entirely sure I have been strict with this one. Nevertheless I certaily have on average seen one new film each week since the last update - and to prove it here is mini critique of all 11 weeks worth of films:

• Saw - Whodunnit style torture horror where people kill themselves in humorous ways. Cary Elwes is in it, he is fatter than I remember him and he overacts pretty badly.
• Saw 2 - same as saw 1 but set in a house with more entertainingly brutal killings.
• Saw 3 - Final part, you learn more about Jigsaw who has now set up a warehouse for his victim to run around in; all 3 Saw films have twists at the end
• 300 - film documenting how 300 stubborn spartans got slaughtered by persians at the battle of Thermopylae
• Serenity - Space Western about the crew of the ship serenity who get into all kinds of scrapes. This is now one of my favourite sci-fi films
• Deuce Bigalow European Gigalow - Made me laugh but it is fairly abysmal
• Hot Fuzz - Very funny. I will try to review this without drawing reference to Shaun of the dead... Damn.
• Scary Movie 4 - Likeable chucklefest spoofing Saw 1 and 2, The grudge, the village, War of the Worlds and more. Also takes the piss out of Tom Cruise
• Mr Bean on holiday - Not quite sure why I watched this. Not bad - It fulfilled my expectations
• Talladega Knights - It has Will Ferrel in it which makes it better than ok. It's about a dim Nascar racer, and apparenly is meant to spoof 'all-American'sporting heroism.
• Night at the museum - The exhibits come to life. It has a happy ending but isn't that funny

Item 12: See a new film every week for a year

I am not going to explain what I need to do for this task because it is obvious.

If you have some problem understanding this then ask someone you know what it would mean for someone to see a new film every week for one year. If you still don't get it then write down what they said, and at the bottom write "Someone I know explained your fifth task and I found it difficult to understand!", sign and print your name and then hide it under your mattress. I will be around to collect them next week.

This week: Borat

I'll kick off this task with a brutal tour de-force of docu-hilarity courtesy of Saschkchshkchccha Baron Cohen.

Verdict: It was awesome.

Fuck Johnathan Ross - Reviews like this are all you need. Perhaps in future I will apply a little more patience into my critiques but until then you will have to be happy with one word reviews - or look elsewhere

Warning: this post may contain strong language.