Look Kids! It’s The X Men!

My new hobby: Wherever there is an X, it can simply be replaced with eggs instead, for sidesplittingly hilarious* results.

For example: Leona Lewis won the UK eggs factor last year. THATS EGGSTREME!!! I think that she is an Eggselent singer!

So without further ado, I give you… The Eggs Men!

*Depends heavily on your definition of hilarious, sidesplittingly and to a lesser eggstent: hobby.

Humorous Game titles

In a recent fit of boredom, a freiend and i wondered: If someone only heard the title of a game – what would they think certain games were about?

Counter Strike: Take on the role of several CEO’s throughout history, and use bribery, persuasion, threats and violence to win back the workforce without giving in to their demands.

Half Life: Simple Puzzle game, the player has to guess the rate of decay of a given radioactive substace. Then simply wait anywhere from 10-4000 years to see if they were right!

Call of Duty: Frantic Multiplayer competition. Using your voip headseat you must shout ‘DUUTYYYY!’ louder than everyone else!

Mario 64: Will you still need him, will you still feed him (mushrooms) now that he is grey haired, incapable of jumping, and needs to get up three times a night to go to the toilet?

(Anyone who thinks my photoshop efforts are a naff version of the b3ta weekly questions is a delusional liar)

Great Idea

Excellent idea which would be better than an asbo, and would work brilliantly if only for the minor drawback that it wouldn’t work:
Give people a rating score like on ebay! Best idea ever eh?
What you do is give people the option to rate people, any person they see from day to day. It would work with a chip and some kind of chip ‘reader’ which would be issued to everyone on the planet. You point your reader at someone and press a button, then you can enter your rating and brief description or explanation of why you chose that score. Then after time, once people accumulate enough ratings you would have an accurate, socialy generated rating of a person.
Muggers would have a terrible score, care home workers would get a great score.
Some things it would need to incorporate:
1. intoxicant detection: no ratings from messed up people
2. Repeat ratings are not allowed
3. You would be able to look somewhere, like on the internet at the ratings you have received – On that site you will have the ability to ‘contest’ a score, and invigilators will look into the issue (unless people keep contesting their bad scores repeatedly, then the invigilators issue a bad score for being silly)
4. The ability to amend a rating you have given someone (if you notice, for example, you rated someone low for undertaking you one day – but it turns out you meet them later and they are a jolly nice person who was in a hurry to get their pregnant wife to hospital)
5. Minimum age to rate… 16?
Possible implications:

• Employers and banks etc would use it to guage the character of potential employees – and heavy discrimination would become commonplace. However at the same time this discrimination would be more accurate, because the people who are being discriminated against have been identified by the PUBLIC AT LARGE as being an asshole.
• a new form of crime would include people with rubbish scores forcing members of the public to give them a good score to increse their average. Victims of this sort of crime can contest a good rating too – like as described above.
• Every person in the world would need to be given a chip and a chip ‘reader’. Slight drawback.
• Lower scored members of the community would feel ostracized for getting bad scores all the time. Great – the point of the system has been made.
• Perhaps the majority of people who rate a person get it wrong, and the score does not reflect the person in the way it should.

If you think that most people are a bad judge of character, and can not be trusted to rate other members of their society you may believe that this is not the best idea ever. Also If you believe that issuing everyone in the world with a chip which records information about someone is impractical or immoral you may not think this idea is so good. Unfortunately you are wrong, and I rate you 1 for being a lame.

Naming Things

I just had a thought: what is the point in naming everything?

particularly dates

Wouldn’t it be far easier to calculate how many months it was until your birthday instead of thinking about May to November, but Month 5 to Month 11. Instead of thinking on Tuesday how many days until Saturday, you thought on Weekday 2 How many days until Weekday 6

I think the Americans got their street names right, numbered by blocks, like 46 and 3rd or whatever.

If names are so awesome how come the hours of the day are not named as well? there’s only 24 of them

Well I must be off: I need to get back to work at a quarter past Steve

Try to get a book published

So I was thinking of continuing my epic novel which has all the right ingredients for a modern classic. So I picked up the chapter a half I had done and gave it a read. One thing I noticed (aside for how groundbreakingly incredible the story is) was that my writing style is... well ameteurish. I haven't written much creatively and if I really want my work of genius to be released it would need to be well written.

So I thought - is there a market of people who don't notice / care when the quality of content is abysmal.

My answer: Kids.

They like any old rubbish. Have you seen the tellytubbies? Half of an episode is taken up by them watching a film of little kids doing something pointless in their bellies - and then repeating it RIGHT AFTER. Thomas the tank engine is essentially about little toy trains with faces getting into scrapes over a passenger losing their shoe or something. The tweenies is about... god knows.

They tend to share attributes:

• Have an moral / educational message which is usually overly idealistic
• Portray the story as if the recipient was a cretin
• Contain anthropomorphised items as the main character like 'Colin the Happy Spoon', or a fluffy... snail or something (someone the kids can really associate with)