This randomly "story-fied" piece of fiction I originally wrote in 2012 - I found this buried in Google Drive, and describes a fairly mundane day before I plan to leave and go traveling for 6 months. I essentially explain I don't know how to feel about it.
The front door bangs loudly as I stomp into the house. My mood is stormy. Don't burn any bridges I repeat to myself.
Everything is coming to an end. That is the dramatic way I am liking to think about this week. It's not, of course, hence bridges must not be burned. However it is my last week of work. It is the last week of normality until I temporarily shed the shackles of the rat race, and go to Asia and live there for some months. When I thought about my goals for the trip I realised that they are fairly vague, and given the cost and effort involved I wondered if that might be a bad thing. More than this, I realised I am having trouble feeling excited. People /should/ relish the prospect of not working, and idling six months in the tropics, shouldn't they? As I think this, a nugget of excitement blinks briefly in my head. But right now, I'm not feeling it. In the absence of genuine excitement I am left with vague concerns: that my various plans to get there might not resolve successfully; that I will not have enough money to enjoy the experience properly; that I wont be ok on the other side of the planet on my own in a completely foreign environment; and probably most importantly I am worrying too much.
'How was work?' Asks my housemate as I walk into the front room.
'Yeah, same old' I reply. It is a bright and mild September afternoon, and I start to feel a little more cheery. I take off my jacket and drapse it across the back of a stained 80's style grey sofa that backs onto the door.
'Getting excited?' He asks, amiably.
'Yeah' I reply with a smile. I will spare him the long version.
It's true, I confess to myself. I get the feeling that I am emotionally underequipped to process how I feel about anything until a long time after I should. I would like to think because it takes me some time to digest events and look at them from all possible angles. I can't get excited because I have had no experience of Asia, or travelling in hot countries, so I don't know what to get excited about. I know I have travelled for shorter periods before, and that it was good at the time. I know it's liberating not having to work.
So I dismiss my concerns, and conclude that the bulk of my anticipation will hit me at the point that I am packing my backpack on the day I leave.
The front door bangs loudly as I stomp into the house. My mood is stormy. Don't burn any bridges I repeat to myself.
Everything is coming to an end. That is the dramatic way I am liking to think about this week. It's not, of course, hence bridges must not be burned. However it is my last week of work. It is the last week of normality until I temporarily shed the shackles of the rat race, and go to Asia and live there for some months. When I thought about my goals for the trip I realised that they are fairly vague, and given the cost and effort involved I wondered if that might be a bad thing. More than this, I realised I am having trouble feeling excited. People /should/ relish the prospect of not working, and idling six months in the tropics, shouldn't they? As I think this, a nugget of excitement blinks briefly in my head. But right now, I'm not feeling it. In the absence of genuine excitement I am left with vague concerns: that my various plans to get there might not resolve successfully; that I will not have enough money to enjoy the experience properly; that I wont be ok on the other side of the planet on my own in a completely foreign environment; and probably most importantly I am worrying too much.
'How was work?' Asks my housemate as I walk into the front room.
'Yeah, same old' I reply. It is a bright and mild September afternoon, and I start to feel a little more cheery. I take off my jacket and drapse it across the back of a stained 80's style grey sofa that backs onto the door.
'Getting excited?' He asks, amiably.
'Yeah' I reply with a smile. I will spare him the long version.
It's true, I confess to myself. I get the feeling that I am emotionally underequipped to process how I feel about anything until a long time after I should. I would like to think because it takes me some time to digest events and look at them from all possible angles. I can't get excited because I have had no experience of Asia, or travelling in hot countries, so I don't know what to get excited about. I know I have travelled for shorter periods before, and that it was good at the time. I know it's liberating not having to work.
So I dismiss my concerns, and conclude that the bulk of my anticipation will hit me at the point that I am packing my backpack on the day I leave.
