2. Bangkok - Parte the Laste

Today's "What not to do in Bangkok" travel tip: don't use tuk tuks*

I decide I should go see some Bangkok temples that are apparently incredible. Unfortunately as I turned up in the monsoon season I don't go 2 minutes before it starts to rain.


I'm still in a backstreet, where there are no likely looking shops to hide in, however I do see some kind of tiny bar, so I head in there to wait.

I order a Chang, (based on a recommendation) from the barman. He serves it to me, along with lots of "wais" (little bows). I sit down and he puts Britney Spears on in the background at almost full volume. It's a little distracting but I go with it.
After a few minutes tapping my foot to "oops, I did it again" I decide to use the internet on my phone so ask the barman for the wifi password. He puts down his eyeliner and writes it on a scrap of paper and hands it to me. I type the password: "BangkokSpiderIsGay" into my phone. As I write that, something dawns on me:
This Chang is delicious!

The rain passes and with the help of my guidebook find the big temple area without too much trouble. Outside the "royal palace" a guy approaches me - offering to help me find my way around. He gives me a map and tells me some good temples to visit, and how to deal with the tuk tuks. He teaches me a phrase "pang pai!" - apparently that means "too expensive". He flags down a tuk tuk, and tells the driver the things I want to see, and the driver gives a price.
"Pang Pai?" I suggest.
The driver gives me a conspiratorial chuckle, and offers a lower price which I accept. He then speaks to the map guy in Thai. I don't understand them, but imagine they were saying:
"Oh, I didn't realise I was dealing with a local, I better give them the normal rates!"
"Yes you treat him well, my friend"
Well I don't think it was that, in hindsight. Basically what I didn't realise at the time is that tuk tuks get free fuel tokens if they take people to certain shops, which they'll tend to do if you are not paying them enough; so that day I certainly did see a couple of amazing temples... and also took a huge round trip of the city during which I visited a jewelery store; a suit shop; and a travel agency. I didn't buy anything in them despite the sincerest efforts of their sales people. It it started to get late and so I ask the driver to take me home, a little footsore and oddly amused.

Tuktuks: My main mode of Bangkok travel

The next day I decide to visit "Kao San road" which is apparently where lots of backpackers head to and has lots going on. I have a bit more familiarity with the area now, although am aware where I am is not too near to Kao San, so I head out on foot in search of it.
Long story short: I don't find it that day. I get accosted by a friendly Thai man who is loitering by himself on a bridge. He wants me to party with his family tonight! It's his son's birthday! His son is a movie star! A famous movie star? I ask, What is his name? He tells me and of course I don't recognize it. He insists on showing me some nearby shops that his friends run. I visit one to be polite, but make my excuses and leave.
I continue towards my goal. Shortly after that another guy sidles up to me and asks if he can practice English on me. An astonishing coincidence is that his daughter is going to study in England! Can he give me her email address? I wasn't sure what to make of that. I do ask him for directions, though, but end up getting more lost. I decide to quit whilst I am behind. I buy a few bottles of beer and head back to the guest house and regroup.

Once back I sit out of the front of the guesthouse, swigging beer and scrutinising my Bangkok map. A group of German guys join me. We get talking and it turns out they know the way to Kao San road!
Huzzah!
So eventually I do find it. Its very vibrant and lots of fun, but my memory of what actually happened is hazy. I seem to recall some bars; tasty local food for dinner; copious amounts of beer; and a narrow encounter with a ladyboy

The next day is my last full day in the city so need to get a train ticket to my next stop: Chaing Mai. Since I have a whole day I decide to also see a few more sights in the process. Ignoring my hangover I haggle my way into a tuk tuk and inevitably get taken somewhere I don't want. He drops me at a suit store (despite my most sincere objections). Fine, i think, I suppose it's the last one! So I head in to earn my driver some petrol.
By now I'm an expert at pretending to want a suit, so I march in and am approached by a swarthy looking guy with a pony tail. I launch into my anti-spiel:
Show me your patterns, my good fellow! Hmm, what's this one called?
Can you make these in Satin and silk?
What cuts would you recommend for me?
The guy is all but rubbing his hands together with dollar signs in his eyes. "Of course!" he croons. He ushers me to a comfy seat and gets me a beer, some snacks, and a catalog to browse. Ahh this is the life I think, sipping beer and idly flicking through the catalog looking at people in suits.
I finish the drink and make some excuses about having the wrong bank cards and need to fetch the correct ones. Unfortunately he he sees straight through my flimsy ruse, and turns hostile. So just have to beat a hasty retreat. He practically chases me out as I jump in the tuk tuk.
"I'm with the Bangkok mafia! we're going to find you!" he calls after me "You'll regret this!"
I can only laugh nervously, with some genuine concern that I have enraged the Bangkok mob.

The tuk tuk driver takes me to some of the fantastic giant golden Buddha statues in lesser visited parts of the city. Whilst looking at one a monk strikes up a conversation with me and tells me a bit about the temple we're in. When he learns I need to get a ticket to Chiang Mai he tells me that I should only go to official government travel agents, otherwise I might get ripped off. He explains how I recognise them: They are marked AGWP**. Under no circumstances use the ACWP**, and definitely not AGWB** ones. I attempt to memorise that; thank him, and head out.
I obviously get it wrong, and end up getting mildly ripped off for the ticket.  But I don't mind: job done, I have it. Next stop: Chiang Mai.

* If you are a massive cheapskate
** These aren't accurate letters by the way... I never did find what agencies you're meant to use.

1. Arrival in Bangkok: Parte the first

These are writings from a journal I kept whilst travelling in southeast Asia that I have only just got around to “writing up”. It is mostly unabridged, although not entirely because despite it being nearly 2 years ago I realise there are some things I remember now that had not written down, and some things I had written down that were basically tedious drivel that is of interest to nobody! Although saying that I can't promise there wont be some boring bits, but then I don't know what you're into, dearest reader. Hopefully it's reading about travelling.
The arrival at Heathrow was a mixed bag of emotions for me. Probably partially caused by the 5am start combined with the late drunken night staying at a friend's mansion in the middle of London. They had kindly offered me a lift to the airport for my flight - so I was very appreciative of that. It was a long serving friend, although I had never seen their house. It was a surreal evening where I rubbed shoulders with some entertainingly odd upper middle class types and got lost every time I tried to find the toilet. Before leaving I obviously checked and triple checked my backpack, which at this point I felt a little bit silly having to lug around, having not gotten accustomed to it yet. I also triple checked my plane ticket; Checked my Thailand cash was safe and generally panicked. I was finally ready, my plans had all come to fruition. However this turned out to be about 15 minutes too early, and so I had an agonising 15 minutes wait as my friend prepared himself, disappeared, reappeared, had a cigarette, used the toilet. All the while I tapped my feet, eyes on the time. I needn't have worried, we were underway roughly on time, and so we made our way through the predawn traffic. I must admit at this point I was shitting my pants a bit. Once there I hopped out of the car without too much ceremony or shedding of tears, and wandered into the airports hive of activity with a mixture of trepidation and excitement. So I had planned to travel to south east asia for a few months for the first time. It would be the first extended traveling I will have done solo, and the first time I have been outside Europe (unless you count Moscow). I had saved something like 5/6k so had spent much of the year of saving attempting to plan an itinerary for my budget. I went over all this again a few times on the plane. The flights over took 15 odd hours. It was highlighted by nothing. A minor frisking at Heathrow. I then got another minor frisking in Mumbai by some heavily armed Indians. After that I enjoyed delicious curry from Mumbai to Bangkok; and was amused as many of the new passengers took endless photos of each-other sat on the plane. It lead me to assume that the plane journey must be the highlight of their trip! Eventually I touch down in Bangkok, 7am local time. The plane had thus far protected me from the heat; but I was punched in the face by it as I stepped into the local air. At this point I was 100% in the hands of my guidebook having never been to this part of the world before. It suggested trying to get a public bus into town at the airport, but much wandering, asking people and looking at signs only yielded a healthy amount of sweat. “screw this” I eventually thought, and wandered over to where the taxis were. I had been careful to pick out where to stay the first night, so knew where to ask for and was very hopeful that they understood English. “Hey! Can you take me to Kao San road?” I ask one of the men cordially, with a grin. “Kao San?” The driver replies “bleugh!” I laugh. He doesn't. Is 'bleaugh' a word in Thailand? I'm not sure it is... I'm suddenly doubtful about my choice. I don't really have any alternative at this point however, so we agree on some sort of price. Well, I say we agreed, but I actually didn't even bother to haggle, which my guidebook insisted I always do. I am still quite nervous, and didn't want to annoy my new friend! This is my first exposure to “non-europe” roads, and is a nice intro to the place; seeing the swarms of scooter mounted Thais periodically envelop the taxi, as we drive. The driver is a little "swervy", but relatively sedate from what I understand of some other cities. The taxi is modern, and his air-con is a godsend. We leave the artery roads and weave our way deeper into the city, and eventually arrive in the right area. For some reason I direct the taxi driver to drop me off at the wrong "soi" (street). I don't immediately notice this though, so get out, head down it and and become immediately lost. I am a little baffled as to how to navigate anywhere here for a few reasons. Firstly the sois (on which the 'Bella Bella River View' guesthouse I am looking for is located) are often little more than alleyways that adjoin the larger roads; Secondly the signs are tiny and sometimes in odd places; Thirdly the pavements are hidden behind stalls of tasty smelling food, garbage, scooters and whatever else. The heat and humidity of the place is overwhelming and despite having chose light cottony clothes I still feel like I’m going to sweat to death before even finding my guesthouse. I drink all of my water, swap my hiking shoes for flip flops and consult my guidebook. After much wandering, doubling back, and generally looking like a lost tourist I finally find myself at the end of a tiny, winding soi at the guesthouse. I heavily fumble checking in thanks to jet lag and culture shock (definitely not general nincompoopery), and go to my room. 

So there is a river view! it's not just clever marketing...

The room is clean & spacious. I drop my bag and take a few minutes to let the fact that I have made it sink in. I then set off on my first foray into the city.

Collecting random writings into one place

Well I woke up pretty early this morning and in that semi-lucid daydream for some reason started thinking about things I have written. I realised that there was a lot of stuff I have written somewhere or other in the past that I would be interested in reading again. In other words, rather than being sensible and keeping things all in one place I scattered my thoughts as widely across the internets I could.

I wanted to see if I can track them down.

I since did so, and the result was that I came across various bits, such as my humor blog: punarama which now only exists in the waybackmachine*... also this blog that I haven't updated in quite some time. "I can put these scattered things all into one place!" I thought, "This place!". But a part of me also argued that it would be nice to leave this blog free of the random and general musings, but then I had an idea - why not use effective tagging? Like tag all of the “travelly” posts, old ones to do with 30 things to do before im 30, and "other" humour posts etc.

So that's what I did, and presumably what you are currently looking at. Isn't that just peachy?

So over time I'll be adding posts. More accurately, I'll be inserting posts, because I will be setting the accurate dates for the stuff I find in case I want to review anything in a sensible and chronological order. Also soon to come will be the diary I kept when travelling in s/e asia, its been nearly 2 years so that's long overdue...

*and most of 'em also on this blog now!