Today's "What not to do in Bangkok" travel tip: don't use tuk tuks*
I decide I should go see some Bangkok temples that are apparently incredible. Unfortunately as I turned up in the monsoon season I don't go 2 minutes before it starts to rain.
I'm still in a backstreet, where there are no likely looking shops to hide in, however I do see some kind of tiny bar, so I head in there to wait.
I order a Chang, (based on a recommendation) from the barman. He serves it to me, along with lots of "wais" (little bows). I sit down and he puts Britney Spears on in the background at almost full volume. It's a little distracting but I go with it.
After a few minutes tapping my foot to "oops, I did it again" I decide to use the internet on my phone so ask the barman for the wifi password. He puts down his eyeliner and writes it on a scrap of paper and hands it to me. I type the password: "BangkokSpiderIsGay" into my phone. As I write that, something dawns on me:
This Chang is delicious!
The rain passes and with the help of my guidebook find the big temple area without too much trouble. Outside the "royal palace" a guy approaches me - offering to help me find my way around. He gives me a map and tells me some good temples to visit, and how to deal with the tuk tuks. He teaches me a phrase "pang pai!" - apparently that means "too expensive". He flags down a tuk tuk, and tells the driver the things I want to see, and the driver gives a price.
"Pang Pai?" I suggest.
The driver gives me a conspiratorial chuckle, and offers a lower price which I accept. He then speaks to the map guy in Thai. I don't understand them, but imagine they were saying:
"Oh, I didn't realise I was dealing with a local, I better give them the normal rates!"
"Yes you treat him well, my friend"
Well I don't think it was that, in hindsight. Basically what I didn't realise at the time is that tuk tuks get free fuel tokens if they take people to certain shops, which they'll tend to do if you are not paying them enough; so that day I certainly did see a couple of amazing temples... and also took a huge round trip of the city during which I visited a jewelery store; a suit shop; and a travel agency. I didn't buy anything in them despite the sincerest efforts of their sales people. It it started to get late and so I ask the driver to take me home, a little footsore and oddly amused.
The next day I decide to visit "Kao San road" which is apparently where lots of backpackers head to and has lots going on. I have a bit more familiarity with the area now, although am aware where I am is not too near to Kao San, so I head out on foot in search of it.
Long story short: I don't find it that day. I get accosted by a friendly Thai man who is loitering by himself on a bridge. He wants me to party with his family tonight! It's his son's birthday! His son is a movie star! A famous movie star? I ask, What is his name? He tells me and of course I don't recognize it. He insists on showing me some nearby shops that his friends run. I visit one to be polite, but make my excuses and leave.
I continue towards my goal. Shortly after that another guy sidles up to me and asks if he can practice English on me. An astonishing coincidence is that his daughter is going to study in England! Can he give me her email address? I wasn't sure what to make of that. I do ask him for directions, though, but end up getting more lost. I decide to quit whilst I am behind. I buy a few bottles of beer and head back to the guest house and regroup.
Once back I sit out of the front of the guesthouse, swigging beer and scrutinising my Bangkok map. A group of German guys join me. We get talking and it turns out they know the way to Kao San road!
Huzzah!
So eventually I do find it. Its very vibrant and lots of fun, but my memory of what actually happened is hazy. I seem to recall some bars; tasty local food for dinner; copious amounts of beer; and a narrow encounter with a ladyboy
The next day is my last full day in the city so need to get a train ticket to my next stop: Chaing Mai. Since I have a whole day I decide to also see a few more sights in the process. Ignoring my hangover I haggle my way into a tuk tuk and inevitably get taken somewhere I don't want. He drops me at a suit store (despite my most sincere objections). Fine, i think, I suppose it's the last one! So I head in to earn my driver some petrol.
By now I'm an expert at pretending to want a suit, so I march in and am approached by a swarthy looking guy with a pony tail. I launch into my anti-spiel:
Show me your patterns, my good fellow! Hmm, what's this one called?
Can you make these in Satin and silk?
What cuts would you recommend for me?
The guy is all but rubbing his hands together with dollar signs in his eyes. "Of course!" he croons. He ushers me to a comfy seat and gets me a beer, some snacks, and a catalog to browse. Ahh this is the life I think, sipping beer and idly flicking through the catalog looking at people in suits.
I finish the drink and make some excuses about having the wrong bank cards and need to fetch the correct ones. Unfortunately he he sees straight through my flimsy ruse, and turns hostile. So just have to beat a hasty retreat. He practically chases me out as I jump in the tuk tuk.
"I'm with the Bangkok mafia! we're going to find you!" he calls after me "You'll regret this!"
I can only laugh nervously, with some genuine concern that I have enraged the Bangkok mob.
The tuk tuk driver takes me to some of the fantastic giant golden Buddha statues in lesser visited parts of the city. Whilst looking at one a monk strikes up a conversation with me and tells me a bit about the temple we're in. When he learns I need to get a ticket to Chiang Mai he tells me that I should only go to official government travel agents, otherwise I might get ripped off. He explains how I recognise them: They are marked AGWP**. Under no circumstances use the ACWP**, and definitely not AGWB** ones. I attempt to memorise that; thank him, and head out.
I obviously get it wrong, and end up getting mildly ripped off for the ticket. But I don't mind: job done, I have it. Next stop: Chiang Mai.
* If you are a massive cheapskate
** These aren't accurate letters by the way... I never did find what agencies you're meant to use.
I decide I should go see some Bangkok temples that are apparently incredible. Unfortunately as I turned up in the monsoon season I don't go 2 minutes before it starts to rain.
I'm still in a backstreet, where there are no likely looking shops to hide in, however I do see some kind of tiny bar, so I head in there to wait.
I order a Chang, (based on a recommendation) from the barman. He serves it to me, along with lots of "wais" (little bows). I sit down and he puts Britney Spears on in the background at almost full volume. It's a little distracting but I go with it.
After a few minutes tapping my foot to "oops, I did it again" I decide to use the internet on my phone so ask the barman for the wifi password. He puts down his eyeliner and writes it on a scrap of paper and hands it to me. I type the password: "BangkokSpiderIsGay" into my phone. As I write that, something dawns on me:
This Chang is delicious!
The rain passes and with the help of my guidebook find the big temple area without too much trouble. Outside the "royal palace" a guy approaches me - offering to help me find my way around. He gives me a map and tells me some good temples to visit, and how to deal with the tuk tuks. He teaches me a phrase "pang pai!" - apparently that means "too expensive". He flags down a tuk tuk, and tells the driver the things I want to see, and the driver gives a price.
"Pang Pai?" I suggest.
The driver gives me a conspiratorial chuckle, and offers a lower price which I accept. He then speaks to the map guy in Thai. I don't understand them, but imagine they were saying:
"Oh, I didn't realise I was dealing with a local, I better give them the normal rates!"
"Yes you treat him well, my friend"
Well I don't think it was that, in hindsight. Basically what I didn't realise at the time is that tuk tuks get free fuel tokens if they take people to certain shops, which they'll tend to do if you are not paying them enough; so that day I certainly did see a couple of amazing temples... and also took a huge round trip of the city during which I visited a jewelery store; a suit shop; and a travel agency. I didn't buy anything in them despite the sincerest efforts of their sales people. It it started to get late and so I ask the driver to take me home, a little footsore and oddly amused.
 |
| Tuktuks: My main mode of Bangkok travel |
Long story short: I don't find it that day. I get accosted by a friendly Thai man who is loitering by himself on a bridge. He wants me to party with his family tonight! It's his son's birthday! His son is a movie star! A famous movie star? I ask, What is his name? He tells me and of course I don't recognize it. He insists on showing me some nearby shops that his friends run. I visit one to be polite, but make my excuses and leave.
I continue towards my goal. Shortly after that another guy sidles up to me and asks if he can practice English on me. An astonishing coincidence is that his daughter is going to study in England! Can he give me her email address? I wasn't sure what to make of that. I do ask him for directions, though, but end up getting more lost. I decide to quit whilst I am behind. I buy a few bottles of beer and head back to the guest house and regroup.
Once back I sit out of the front of the guesthouse, swigging beer and scrutinising my Bangkok map. A group of German guys join me. We get talking and it turns out they know the way to Kao San road!
Huzzah!
So eventually I do find it. Its very vibrant and lots of fun, but my memory of what actually happened is hazy. I seem to recall some bars; tasty local food for dinner; copious amounts of beer; and a narrow encounter with a ladyboy
The next day is my last full day in the city so need to get a train ticket to my next stop: Chaing Mai. Since I have a whole day I decide to also see a few more sights in the process. Ignoring my hangover I haggle my way into a tuk tuk and inevitably get taken somewhere I don't want. He drops me at a suit store (despite my most sincere objections). Fine, i think, I suppose it's the last one! So I head in to earn my driver some petrol.
By now I'm an expert at pretending to want a suit, so I march in and am approached by a swarthy looking guy with a pony tail. I launch into my anti-spiel:
Show me your patterns, my good fellow! Hmm, what's this one called?
Can you make these in Satin and silk?
What cuts would you recommend for me?
The guy is all but rubbing his hands together with dollar signs in his eyes. "Of course!" he croons. He ushers me to a comfy seat and gets me a beer, some snacks, and a catalog to browse. Ahh this is the life I think, sipping beer and idly flicking through the catalog looking at people in suits.
I finish the drink and make some excuses about having the wrong bank cards and need to fetch the correct ones. Unfortunately he he sees straight through my flimsy ruse, and turns hostile. So just have to beat a hasty retreat. He practically chases me out as I jump in the tuk tuk.
"I'm with the Bangkok mafia! we're going to find you!" he calls after me "You'll regret this!"
I can only laugh nervously, with some genuine concern that I have enraged the Bangkok mob.
The tuk tuk driver takes me to some of the fantastic giant golden Buddha statues in lesser visited parts of the city. Whilst looking at one a monk strikes up a conversation with me and tells me a bit about the temple we're in. When he learns I need to get a ticket to Chiang Mai he tells me that I should only go to official government travel agents, otherwise I might get ripped off. He explains how I recognise them: They are marked AGWP**. Under no circumstances use the ACWP**, and definitely not AGWB** ones. I attempt to memorise that; thank him, and head out.
I obviously get it wrong, and end up getting mildly ripped off for the ticket. But I don't mind: job done, I have it. Next stop: Chiang Mai.
* If you are a massive cheapskate
** These aren't accurate letters by the way... I never did find what agencies you're meant to use.
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