I just had a thought: what is the point in naming everything?
particularly dates
Wouldn’t it be far easier to calculate how many months it was until your birthday instead of thinking about May to November, but Month 5 to Month 11. Instead of thinking on Tuesday how many days until Saturday, you thought on Weekday 2 How many days until Weekday 6
I think the Americans got their street names right, numbered by blocks, like 46 and 3rd or whatever.
If names are so awesome how come the hours of the day are not named as well? there’s only 24 of them
Well I must be off: I need to get back to work at a quarter past Steve
Thursday 24 May 2007
Wednesday 23 May 2007
Try to get a book published
So I was thinking of continuing my epic novel which has all the right ingredients for a modern classic. So I picked up the chapter a half I had done and gave it a read. One thing I noticed (aside for how groundbreakingly incredible the story is) was that my writing style is... well ameteurish. I haven't written much creatively and if I really want my work of genius to be released it would need to be well written.
So I thought - is there a market of people who don't notice / care when the quality of content is abysmal.
My answer: Kids.
They like any old rubbish. Have you seen the tellytubbies? Half of an episode is taken up by them watching a film of little kids doing something pointless in their bellies - and then repeating it RIGHT AFTER. Thomas the tank engine is essentially about little toy trains with faces getting into scrapes over a passenger losing their shoe or something. The tweenies is about... god knows.
They tend to share attributes:
- Have an moral / educational message which is usually overly idealistic
- Portray the story as if the recipient was a cretin
- Contain anthropomorphised items as the main character like 'Colin the Happy Spoon', or a fluffy... snail or something (someone the kids can really associate with)
Thursday 17 May 2007
Old Post
Here is another old post:
Do some good
I dont know if this is a little clichéd - but it's certainly a bit vague. There are a great many good causes to choose from, and I have covered some charity with items 4 (Get Nestlé to give me £10) and 13 (Run any marathon) But neither of those are entirely selfless acts. Actually I'm not sure if altruism really exists, because even if somebody gave away everything they had and gave their life to others, would that not make them pleased in some way? Or am I one of those dreaded cynics...
Having recently watched Robert Newman tell me some interesting things about American foreign policy - I am tempted to try to raise awareness about some things people may be unfairly dismissing because they either don't believe them or think are part of a fad of political activism and secretly cant get mad at America because they like 'Friends'. There are Human rights issues, such as a number of dictators making many lives miserable and getting away with murder: Kim Jong Il, Omar Al Bashir, Robert Mugabe and George W Bush to name a few. There are numerous environmental issues; Not to mention animal cruelty; child abuse; homeless people needing homes; Organisations researching cancer or aids or helping the victims; mine clearance and charities for the disabled... Where should I apply my efforts?
In terms of my task I will do these things:
1. Join amnesty international and take some action
2. Do 15 things on this page regarding the environment. I will post details once I start.
3. Ensure I complete tasks 4, 13 and also 8 (give blood)
4. be aware of current affairs
I apologise that this post is not very entertaining - so I think whenever this happens I will add a very funny joke:
A man walks into the doctor's office:
"Doctor, I've had problems with silent gas emissions. At home, work, and even at church, I release tons of silent farts everywhere I go! As a matter of fact I've had three sitting here talking to you. What are we going to do?"
The doctor replies
"The first thing we're going to do is check your hearing"
Do some good
I dont know if this is a little clichéd - but it's certainly a bit vague. There are a great many good causes to choose from, and I have covered some charity with items 4 (Get Nestlé to give me £10) and 13 (Run any marathon) But neither of those are entirely selfless acts. Actually I'm not sure if altruism really exists, because even if somebody gave away everything they had and gave their life to others, would that not make them pleased in some way? Or am I one of those dreaded cynics...
Having recently watched Robert Newman tell me some interesting things about American foreign policy - I am tempted to try to raise awareness about some things people may be unfairly dismissing because they either don't believe them or think are part of a fad of political activism and secretly cant get mad at America because they like 'Friends'. There are Human rights issues, such as a number of dictators making many lives miserable and getting away with murder: Kim Jong Il, Omar Al Bashir, Robert Mugabe and George W Bush to name a few. There are numerous environmental issues; Not to mention animal cruelty; child abuse; homeless people needing homes; Organisations researching cancer or aids or helping the victims; mine clearance and charities for the disabled... Where should I apply my efforts?
In terms of my task I will do these things:
1. Join amnesty international and take some action
2. Do 15 things on this page regarding the environment. I will post details once I start.
3. Ensure I complete tasks 4, 13 and also 8 (give blood)
4. be aware of current affairs
I apologise that this post is not very entertaining - so I think whenever this happens I will add a very funny joke:
A man walks into the doctor's office:
"Doctor, I've had problems with silent gas emissions. At home, work, and even at church, I release tons of silent farts everywhere I go! As a matter of fact I've had three sitting here talking to you. What are we going to do?"
The doctor replies
"The first thing we're going to do is check your hearing"
Friday 11 May 2007
Spiderman III (possible spoiler)
Item 12: See a new film every week for a year
This week - Spiderman III.
I enjoyed this film almost exactly as much as the others in this franchise. Quite a lot. It had a jumbolarge budget and it shows - there sure are some massive stunts and awesome effects. It also is full of emoness and In-your-facenosity thanks to: venom.
Venom Peter says fuck you Mary, I'm gonna have a spontaneous Jazzoff in this cafe with this beautiful acquintance right in front of you. That will teach you for having spontaneous kitchen dances with my best friend / come nemesis / come saviour of the day
Score: 4 Rick points
Warning: This review may contain strong language and made up words
Item 5: Grow my hair
The most passive and least interesting of my tasks. I can confirm that the growth of my hair proceeds as planned.
The longest bits are approximately 12.79 cm (at the front) and just over 2 cm at the back. Unfortunately as my hair is curly this is not an accuarate guage of my hair length - as it would appear to be roughly half that length.
tune in soon for more thrilling, hair related updates
This week - Spiderman III.
I enjoyed this film almost exactly as much as the others in this franchise. Quite a lot. It had a jumbolarge budget and it shows - there sure are some massive stunts and awesome effects. It also is full of emoness and In-your-facenosity thanks to: venom.
Venom Peter says fuck you Mary, I'm gonna have a spontaneous Jazzoff in this cafe with this beautiful acquintance right in front of you. That will teach you for having spontaneous kitchen dances with my best friend / come nemesis / come saviour of the day
Score: 4 Rick points
Warning: This review may contain strong language and made up words
Item 5: Grow my hair
The most passive and least interesting of my tasks. I can confirm that the growth of my hair proceeds as planned.
The longest bits are approximately 12.79 cm (at the front) and just over 2 cm at the back. Unfortunately as my hair is curly this is not an accuarate guage of my hair length - as it would appear to be roughly half that length.
tune in soon for more thrilling, hair related updates
Friday 4 May 2007
Films
Item 12 - watch a new film every week for a year
The task to watch one new film every week for a year does not neccessarily involve writing a review of each one, and I cannot be entirely sure I have been strict with this one. Nevertheless I certaily have on average seen one new film each week since the last update - and to prove it here is mini critique of all 11 weeks worth of films:
The task to watch one new film every week for a year does not neccessarily involve writing a review of each one, and I cannot be entirely sure I have been strict with this one. Nevertheless I certaily have on average seen one new film each week since the last update - and to prove it here is mini critique of all 11 weeks worth of films:
- Saw - Whodunnit style torture horror where people kill themselves in humorous ways. Cary Elwes is in it, he is fatter than I remember him and he overacts pretty badly.
- Saw 2 - same as saw 1 but set in a house with more entertainingly brutal killings.
- Saw 3 - Final part, you learn more about Jigsaw who has now set up a warehouse for his victim to run around in; all 3 Saw films have twists at the end
- 300 - film documenting how 300 stubborn spartans got slaughtered by persians at the battle of Thermopylae
- Serenity - Space Western about the crew of the ship serenity who get into all kinds of scrapes. This is now one of my favourite sci-fi films
- Deuce Bigalow European Gigalow - Made me laugh but it is fairly abysmal
- Hot Fuzz - Very funny. I will try to review this without drawing reference to Shaun of the dead... Damn.
- Scary Movie 4 - Likeable chucklefest spoofing Saw 1 and 2, The grudge, the village, War of the Worlds and more. Also takes the piss out of Tom Cruise
- Mr Bean on holiday - Not quite sure why I watched this. Not bad - It fulfilled my expectations
- Talladega Knights - It has Will Ferrel in it which makes it better than ok. It's about a dim Nascar racer, and apparenly is meant to spoof 'all-American'sporting heroism.
- Night at the museum - The exhibits come to life. It has a happy ending but isn't that funny
Thursday 3 May 2007
Rubbish
So here are some of my old posts from beforetimes when the blog wasn't deleted in a fit of stupidity. Thanks to harry for forwarding these to me. It would seem that only the first few lines were preserved from some clever RSS reader or something. I don't really know - the item numbers are all wrong, and also some items may no longer exist on this list...
Number 1 of 94 in the "Rick rips off the titles that Nick likes to use in his blog" series Progress on two items today, both with the cunning use of electrolysed telegrams: Item 30 - Apply to get art in the tate modern Dear Sir / Madam, Having recently become an artist, I was curious to know how I would go about displaying any of my art in the tate modern. Best Regards Richard
---
Get Chuck Norris to E-mail me Dear Chuck Norris, I thought I would sent you a quick note to let you know how I'm getting on - nearly finished your autobiography! I am very excited today because I persuaded the five-a-side soccer team I play in to rename our side to Chuck Norris FC! We have just been promoted to the regional division too after being area champions - narrowly beating
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Item 26 I made the descision in this post that I would change Item 26 from learn how many days are in each month to Drive home from V festival with a hang over which might slay a hippo. A slightly less dull alternative. Well it turns out that I was told a really simple way to remember the months by a good friend of mine in the comments of that same post. Here is it explained again if you didn't
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Item 27 - Learn to write my name in Japanese A brief search on the information increda-web yielded this site which will automatically write your name in Japanese. The result, 'RIKKU' looked like this: Apparently this is also a character in Final Fantasy X (right). Riku would be like above but without the middle letter and is a male character from 'Kingdom Hearts'. I'll need to do some
---
Item 21 - Learn 10 songs on guitar and Item 25 - Write a song and try to get it released Whilst watching my guitar get thumped about my a drunk girl trying to play us a song she wrote, something odd happened in my head I later identified as an idea. If I write a song on guitar and try to get it released, I will also have learned it. Here are some songs I already know on guitar: 1. Foo Fighters
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I have been locked in my attic for a few days, feverishly scribbling on random bits of paper and gibbering madly... By 'attic' I of course mean 'office'. Item 2 - write a book and try to get it published. I finally began writing my epic tale which I have no doubt will shake the foundations of literature and change story telling forever. I wrote a short chapter to begin my novel which has clever
---
Item 30 - Apply to get art in the tate modern I was yesterday in receipt of a reply from the tate: Dear Richard Thank you for your e mail and for your interest in Tate. Works that are acquired by Tate are decided upon ultimately by the board of Trustees. These decisions form one of the most important parts of the business of the Trustees main meetings which take place 6 times a year.
There are actually some complete ones I will post at a later date - but I thought I would get the annoying fractured ones out of the way
Number 1 of 94 in the "Rick rips off the titles that Nick likes to use in his blog" series Progress on two items today, both with the cunning use of electrolysed telegrams: Item 30 - Apply to get art in the tate modern Dear Sir / Madam, Having recently become an artist, I was curious to know how I would go about displaying any of my art in the tate modern. Best Regards Richard
---
Get Chuck Norris to E-mail me Dear Chuck Norris, I thought I would sent you a quick note to let you know how I'm getting on - nearly finished your autobiography! I am very excited today because I persuaded the five-a-side soccer team I play in to rename our side to Chuck Norris FC! We have just been promoted to the regional division too after being area champions - narrowly beating
---
Item 26 I made the descision in this post that I would change Item 26 from learn how many days are in each month to Drive home from V festival with a hang over which might slay a hippo. A slightly less dull alternative. Well it turns out that I was told a really simple way to remember the months by a good friend of mine in the comments of that same post. Here is it explained again if you didn't
---
Item 27 - Learn to write my name in Japanese A brief search on the information increda-web yielded this site which will automatically write your name in Japanese. The result, 'RIKKU' looked like this: Apparently this is also a character in Final Fantasy X (right). Riku would be like above but without the middle letter and is a male character from 'Kingdom Hearts'. I'll need to do some
---
Item 21 - Learn 10 songs on guitar and Item 25 - Write a song and try to get it released Whilst watching my guitar get thumped about my a drunk girl trying to play us a song she wrote, something odd happened in my head I later identified as an idea. If I write a song on guitar and try to get it released, I will also have learned it. Here are some songs I already know on guitar: 1. Foo Fighters
---
I have been locked in my attic for a few days, feverishly scribbling on random bits of paper and gibbering madly... By 'attic' I of course mean 'office'. Item 2 - write a book and try to get it published. I finally began writing my epic tale which I have no doubt will shake the foundations of literature and change story telling forever. I wrote a short chapter to begin my novel which has clever
---
Item 30 - Apply to get art in the tate modern I was yesterday in receipt of a reply from the tate: Dear Richard Thank you for your e mail and for your interest in Tate. Works that are acquired by Tate are decided upon ultimately by the board of Trustees. These decisions form one of the most important parts of the business of the Trustees main meetings which take place 6 times a year.
There are actually some complete ones I will post at a later date - but I thought I would get the annoying fractured ones out of the way
What on Earth?
So I know what you are thinking:
What happened man? where are all your sexy, interesting and fascinating posts? I have something to tell you: I love you.
Well I have been extremely busy and here's why:
I have recently been spending a great deal of time doing nothing at all. This has involved some sitting, contemplating of my navel, playing computer games, going to work, eating junk and scratching various parts of myself.
Sounds like a packed schedule - but too hectic to write a blog post?
you say
lies
Ok I concede. I will put some posts from before on in a sec... hang on I need to find them
What happened man? where are all your sexy, interesting and fascinating posts? I have something to tell you: I love you.
Well I have been extremely busy and here's why:
I have recently been spending a great deal of time doing nothing at all. This has involved some sitting, contemplating of my navel, playing computer games, going to work, eating junk and scratching various parts of myself.
Sounds like a packed schedule - but too hectic to write a blog post?
you say
lies
Ok I concede. I will put some posts from before on in a sec... hang on I need to find them