Great Idea

Excellent idea which would be better than an asbo, and would work brilliantly if only for the minor drawback that it wouldn’t work:
Give people a rating score like on ebay! Best idea ever eh?
What you do is give people the option to rate people, any person they see from day to day. It would work with a chip and some kind of chip ‘reader’ which would be issued to everyone on the planet. You point your reader at someone and press a button, then you can enter your rating and brief description or explanation of why you chose that score. Then after time, once people accumulate enough ratings you would have an accurate, socialy generated rating of a person.
Muggers would have a terrible score, care home workers would get a great score.
Some things it would need to incorporate:
1. intoxicant detection: no ratings from messed up people
2. Repeat ratings are not allowed
3. You would be able to look somewhere, like on the internet at the ratings you have received – On that site you will have the ability to ‘contest’ a score, and invigilators will look into the issue (unless people keep contesting their bad scores repeatedly, then the invigilators issue a bad score for being silly)
4. The ability to amend a rating you have given someone (if you notice, for example, you rated someone low for undertaking you one day – but it turns out you meet them later and they are a jolly nice person who was in a hurry to get their pregnant wife to hospital)
5. Minimum age to rate… 16?
Possible implications:

• Employers and banks etc would use it to guage the character of potential employees – and heavy discrimination would become commonplace. However at the same time this discrimination would be more accurate, because the people who are being discriminated against have been identified by the PUBLIC AT LARGE as being an asshole.
• a new form of crime would include people with rubbish scores forcing members of the public to give them a good score to increse their average. Victims of this sort of crime can contest a good rating too – like as described above.
• Every person in the world would need to be given a chip and a chip ‘reader’. Slight drawback.
• Lower scored members of the community would feel ostracized for getting bad scores all the time. Great – the point of the system has been made.
• Perhaps the majority of people who rate a person get it wrong, and the score does not reflect the person in the way it should.

If you think that most people are a bad judge of character, and can not be trusted to rate other members of their society you may believe that this is not the best idea ever. Also If you believe that issuing everyone in the world with a chip which records information about someone is impractical or immoral you may not think this idea is so good. Unfortunately you are wrong, and I rate you 1 for being a lame.

Naming Things

I just had a thought: what is the point in naming everything?

particularly dates

Wouldn’t it be far easier to calculate how many months it was until your birthday instead of thinking about May to November, but Month 5 to Month 11. Instead of thinking on Tuesday how many days until Saturday, you thought on Weekday 2 How many days until Weekday 6

I think the Americans got their street names right, numbered by blocks, like 46 and 3rd or whatever.

If names are so awesome how come the hours of the day are not named as well? there’s only 24 of them

Well I must be off: I need to get back to work at a quarter past Steve

Try to get a book published

So I was thinking of continuing my epic novel which has all the right ingredients for a modern classic. So I picked up the chapter a half I had done and gave it a read. One thing I noticed (aside for how groundbreakingly incredible the story is) was that my writing style is... well ameteurish. I haven't written much creatively and if I really want my work of genius to be released it would need to be well written.

So I thought - is there a market of people who don't notice / care when the quality of content is abysmal.

My answer: Kids.

They like any old rubbish. Have you seen the tellytubbies? Half of an episode is taken up by them watching a film of little kids doing something pointless in their bellies - and then repeating it RIGHT AFTER. Thomas the tank engine is essentially about little toy trains with faces getting into scrapes over a passenger losing their shoe or something. The tweenies is about... god knows.

They tend to share attributes:

• Have an moral / educational message which is usually overly idealistic
• Portray the story as if the recipient was a cretin
• Contain anthropomorphised items as the main character like 'Colin the Happy Spoon', or a fluffy... snail or something (someone the kids can really associate with)

Old Post

Here is another old post:

Do some good
I dont know if this is a little clichéd - but it's certainly a bit vague. There are a great many good causes to choose from, and I have covered some charity with items 4 (Get Nestlé to give me £10) and 13 (Run any marathon) But neither of those are entirely selfless acts. Actually I'm not sure if altruism really exists, because even if somebody gave away everything they had and gave their life to others, would that not make them pleased in some way? Or am I one of those dreaded cynics...

Having recently watched Robert Newman tell me some interesting things about American foreign policy - I am tempted to try to raise awareness about some things people may be unfairly dismissing because they either don't believe them or think are part of a fad of political activism and secretly cant get mad at America because they like 'Friends'. There are Human rights issues, such as a number of dictators making many lives miserable and getting away with murder: Kim Jong Il, Omar Al Bashir, Robert Mugabe and George W Bush to name a few. There are numerous environmental issues; Not to mention animal cruelty; child abuse; homeless people needing homes; Organisations researching cancer or aids or helping the victims; mine clearance and charities for the disabled... Where should I apply my efforts?

In terms of my task I will do these things:

1. Join amnesty international and take some action
2. Do 15 things on this page regarding the environment. I will post details once I start.
3. Ensure I complete tasks 4, 13 and also 8 (give blood)
4. be aware of current affairs

I apologise that this post is not very entertaining - so I think whenever this happens I will add a very funny joke:

A man walks into the doctor's office:
"Doctor, I've had problems with silent gas emissions. At home, work, and even at church, I release tons of silent farts everywhere I go! As a matter of fact I've had three sitting here talking to you. What are we going to do?"
The doctor replies
"The first thing we're going to do is check your hearing"

Spiderman III (possible spoiler)

Item 12: See a new film every week for a year

This week - Spiderman III.
I enjoyed this film almost exactly as much as the others in this franchise. Quite a lot. It had a jumbolarge budget and it shows - there sure are some massive stunts and awesome effects. It also is full of emoness and In-your-facenosity thanks to: venom.

Venom Peter says fuck you Mary, I'm gonna have a spontaneous Jazzoff in this cafe with this beautiful acquintance right in front of you. That will teach you for having spontaneous kitchen dances with my best friend / come nemesis / come saviour of the day

Score: 4 Rick points

Warning: This review may contain strong language and made up words

Item 5: Grow my hair

The most passive and least interesting of my tasks. I can confirm that the growth of my hair proceeds as planned.

The longest bits are approximately 12.79 cm (at the front) and just over 2 cm at the back. Unfortunately as my hair is curly this is not an accuarate guage of my hair length - as it would appear to be roughly half that length.

tune in soon for more thrilling, hair related updates

Films

Item 12 - watch a new film every week for a year

The task to watch one new film every week for a year does not neccessarily involve writing a review of each one, and I cannot be entirely sure I have been strict with this one. Nevertheless I certaily have on average seen one new film each week since the last update - and to prove it here is mini critique of all 11 weeks worth of films:

• Saw - Whodunnit style torture horror where people kill themselves in humorous ways. Cary Elwes is in it, he is fatter than I remember him and he overacts pretty badly.
• Saw 2 - same as saw 1 but set in a house with more entertainingly brutal killings.
• Saw 3 - Final part, you learn more about Jigsaw who has now set up a warehouse for his victim to run around in; all 3 Saw films have twists at the end
• 300 - film documenting how 300 stubborn spartans got slaughtered by persians at the battle of Thermopylae
• Serenity - Space Western about the crew of the ship serenity who get into all kinds of scrapes. This is now one of my favourite sci-fi films
• Deuce Bigalow European Gigalow - Made me laugh but it is fairly abysmal
• Hot Fuzz - Very funny. I will try to review this without drawing reference to Shaun of the dead... Damn.
• Scary Movie 4 - Likeable chucklefest spoofing Saw 1 and 2, The grudge, the village, War of the Worlds and more. Also takes the piss out of Tom Cruise
• Mr Bean on holiday - Not quite sure why I watched this. Not bad - It fulfilled my expectations
• Talladega Knights - It has Will Ferrel in it which makes it better than ok. It's about a dim Nascar racer, and apparenly is meant to spoof 'all-American'sporting heroism.
• Night at the museum - The exhibits come to life. It has a happy ending but isn't that funny

Rubbish

So here are some of my old posts from beforetimes when the blog wasn't deleted in a fit of stupidity. Thanks to harry for forwarding these to me. It would seem that only the first few lines were preserved from some clever RSS reader or something. I don't really know - the item numbers are all wrong, and also some items may no longer exist on this list...

Number 1 of 94 in the "Rick rips off the titles that Nick likes to use in his blog" series Progress on two items today, both with the cunning use of electrolysed telegrams: Item 30 - Apply to get art in the tate modern Dear Sir / Madam, Having recently become an artist, I was curious to know how I would go about displaying any of my art in the tate modern. Best Regards Richard

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Get Chuck Norris to E-mail me Dear Chuck Norris, I thought I would sent you a quick note to let you know how I'm getting on - nearly finished your autobiography! I am very excited today because I persuaded the five-a-side soccer team I play in to rename our side to Chuck Norris FC! We have just been promoted to the regional division too after being area champions - narrowly beating

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Item 26 I made the descision in this post that I would change Item 26 from learn how many days are in each month to Drive home from V festival with a hang over which might slay a hippo. A slightly less dull alternative. Well it turns out that I was told a really simple way to remember the months by a good friend of mine in the comments of that same post. Here is it explained again if you didn't

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Item 27 - Learn to write my name in Japanese A brief search on the information increda-web yielded this site which will automatically write your name in Japanese. The result, 'RIKKU' looked like this: Apparently this is also a character in Final Fantasy X (right). Riku would be like above but without the middle letter and is a male character from 'Kingdom Hearts'. I'll need to do some

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Item 21 - Learn 10 songs on guitar and Item 25 - Write a song and try to get it released Whilst watching my guitar get thumped about my a drunk girl trying to play us a song she wrote, something odd happened in my head I later identified as an idea. If I write a song on guitar and try to get it released, I will also have learned it. Here are some songs I already know on guitar: 1. Foo Fighters

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I have been locked in my attic for a few days, feverishly scribbling on random bits of paper and gibbering madly... By 'attic' I of course mean 'office'. Item 2 - write a book and try to get it published. I finally began writing my epic tale which I have no doubt will shake the foundations of literature and change story telling forever. I wrote a short chapter to begin my novel which has clever

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Item 30 - Apply to get art in the tate modern I was yesterday in receipt of a reply from the tate: Dear Richard Thank you for your e mail and for your interest in Tate. Works that are acquired by Tate are decided upon ultimately by the board of Trustees. These decisions form one of the most important parts of the business of the Trustees main meetings which take place 6 times a year.

There are actually some complete ones I will post at a later date - but I thought I would get the annoying fractured ones out of the way

What on Earth?

So I know what you are thinking:

What happened man? where are all your sexy, interesting and fascinating posts? I have something to tell you: I love you.

Well I have been extremely busy and here's why:

I have recently been spending a great deal of time doing nothing at all. This has involved some sitting, contemplating of my navel, playing computer games, going to work, eating junk and scratching various parts of myself.

Sounds like a packed schedule - but too hectic to write a blog post?

you say

lies

Ok I concede. I will put some posts from before on in a sec... hang on I need to find them

Item 12: See a new film every week for a year

I am not going to explain what I need to do for this task because it is obvious.

If you have some problem understanding this then ask someone you know what it would mean for someone to see a new film every week for one year. If you still don't get it then write down what they said, and at the bottom write "Someone I know explained your fifth task and I found it difficult to understand!", sign and print your name and then hide it under your mattress. I will be around to collect them next week.

This week: Borat

I'll kick off this task with a brutal tour de-force of docu-hilarity courtesy of Saschkchshkchccha Baron Cohen.

Verdict: It was awesome.

Fuck Johnathan Ross - Reviews like this are all you need. Perhaps in future I will apply a little more patience into my critiques but until then you will have to be happy with one word reviews - or look elsewhere

Warning: this post may contain strong language.

The List

This is Draft 3. 40 things to do before I am 40. The previous version can be seen in it's last state here:

http://richlbaker.blogspot.com/2012/02/5-year-anniversary.html

COMPLETED

1. Go to Edinburgh fringe festival
2. Donate to charity
3. Learn to Ski
4. Grow my hair
5. Learn to Write my Name in Japanese
6. Do some good
7.  Host my own website with a domain for more than a year
8.  Learn how many days are in each Month
9. Write a letter to the government
10. Bet £50 on black
11. Shoot a gun
12. Get a new nickname 
13. Give up smoking for ever (I'm sneaking this in & I dont care. It's my list)

TODO:

1. Run any Marathon
2. Drive coast to coast in America
3. Try to get a book published 
4. Brew my own beer
5. Be an extra in a movie
6. Read ten novels that have won the booker prize 
7. Go travelling = backpack for more than a month
8. Earn over £500 on ebay 
9. go on 10 bike rides that last for more than an hour, and take a picture
10. ride the transsiberian express
11. visit the great wall
12. visit the taj mahal
13. lift 80kg on a bar
14. learn Russian
15. save £10000
16. learn to play 10 songs on a guitar
17. Go to oktoberfest
18. Get married
19. Go to the top of the empire state building
20. Go scuba diving
21. Write and perform a song
22. Buy my whole family a meal
23. Travel to another country by bike
24. Befriend a complete stranger
25. Do a handstand push up
26. Go to a gym in a foreign country
27. Do a stand up set

About the List

I now have a new list, and I will post it here momentarily. I have also decided to back it up elsewhere a bunch of times and make a hard copy and... carve it onto my leg I guess. That way I will have no excuse but to keep trying to complete the tasks.

This list is not the same as the June 06 list for two main reasons. The first is that I have forgotten a few entries. The other is that awesome as that list was, a few of the tasks were... not... shit but... well... slightly rubbishy. So I have endeavoured to upgrade the brilliance of the tasks. i am sure you'll agree the tasks are now brilliant.

Don't agree? ***k you then.

I ought to point out that a couple of them have been done already. That is because I have the still have the cool images from before, Just like the my-name-is-rick telly (above).

So without further ado....

It arose from the dusty, forgotten murk of history - Take 3

I shall explain the premise of this blog for those of you who may have never read this before, or... read it before and had a lobotomy in the meantime. In which case sorry about that... umm... E-mail me and I'll give you mention or something.

Here's the deal:

Once upon a time I was watching a certain comedy series starring Jason Lee and thought to myself, now there's an idea, I thought, a list of things in life which need making right.

In the case of his character it was because he had been a git in the past but it got me thinking. Most people will have something that they want to change that they have done in the past. (except smug people, who I would like to think are secretly dead inside for assuming that they have lived life perfectly. Or say ourageously logical things like 'Mistakes make you who you are'. Dead inside) Similarly most people at some point or another are said to go through this 'mid life crisis' where you panic because there is so much stuff you wanted to do in life but never got done, and you realise that youth has slipped past you and so you divorce your husband/wife and buy a mazda.

Or is that only guys?

Nevertheless I decided to nip this in the bud - and list 30 things to do before I am 30.

This is what I will do. Over the next few days I endeavour to remember as many items on my list as I can - post them here and restart my challenge to complete the list before I am 30.

My Name Is Rick

It arose from the dusty, forgotten murk of history - Take 2

Back in 2005 sometime, (about June....

Wait I've already said this...

This post is cancelled too.

It arose from the dusty, forgotten murk of history

Back in 2005 sometime, (about June I believe) There was a different blog where this one sat.

There was a disasterous drunken incident however - and the first post was deleted. As a result the entire thing was deleted amidst much shedding of tears and smashing of monitors. For you see: The first post was the post. Without it the blog was like... reading the bible without knowing who god was.

Except not that because now I feel like I have blasphemed and will go to hell...

Except not that because I don't believe in Hell exactly, with the flames and the pitchforks and whetever...

Hey! Who do you think you are noseying in to my most personal and definitely-would-not-post-them-on-the-internet-whilst-digressing-about-something-elsely held beliefs! Where was I?

I need to start over.

This post is cancelled.