16. Mekong Whiskey

The following day Pat had overcome his gastronomic woes, so to make up for lost time we decided to get a tuk tuk to some temples, which would allow to more distant areas like the ancient Banta Srei, This temple was very ornate but quite small, only a few heads taller than i was.

temple running

That evening we celebrated the successful day by drinking a titanic amount of alcohol, mostly at the guest house. We chatted and took turns to choose songs to play on our phones. At one point we ran out of booze so took a jaunt down the road to try and find an open shop.
The problem was it was extremely late and we could not see anything that might want to sell us anything. What we did see was a group of young Cambodian men gathered around some scooters on a street corner, not appearing to be up to much. As we approached they asked us "where we go" (as men with scooters have a habit of doing) so we asked them: Where is open and will sell us whiskey? They knew just the place. So we both hopped on the back of a scooter and we were taken to a shop that was open. After a short browse we discovered a 70cl whiskey called Mekong whiskey that cost $1.30. Holy crap! I thought. We got this and a bottle of coke, then got driven back to the guest house.

After that we sat out on the shared balcony overlooking the street. It was quite pleasant and warm, from what I remember. Which wasn't a great deal. At one point someone came out to have a look around. We said hello. He was a Japanese tourist so we invited him to have some of our whiskey. He politely accepted and joined us, His English wasn't great so he used google translate on my phone to converse with us, letting us know it was his last night in the city, asking where we were from etc.
At one point Pat, sat on the balcony railing fell off in the wrong direction, I nearly had a heart attack. He fell down about one story onto the top of the reception area below us. I jumped up and looked down, at which point he was already getting up, laughing. He hopped into the balcony on the floor near him and made his way back up, unhurt.

We made plans to stay another couple of nights in Siem Reap then head down to Phnom Pehn, so I spent the next day or two exploring Siem Reap and taking one more cycle tour of some of the other smaller temples that I had not yet visited. I even treated myself to one of those foot massages you can get with fish, They gave me a beer to sip whilst watching people pass in the street, so it felt very peculiar but not unpleasant.

All too quickly it came time to leave, so we packed our things and bundled into a minivan bound for the capital.

15. Angkor What?

I had made it to Cambodia. A different side of the country than I had been expecting, but by this point I was only making plans for things that lay directly in my future feeling very much like a leaf on the wind.

First order of business in the early evening in Siem Reap was to get some food with my new friend Pat Carty. There was a local looking place across the street from our guesthouse so we popped in there. I ordered what I believed to be a filling Khmer dish, but which turned out to be a pathetic amount of plain chicken and a tiny pile of plain rice.
After that we strolled to where we had been lead to understand by guidebooks that the nightlife was, primarily: pub street. We had a beer, and then another, and so on.
We got to know each other fairly well. He was 19 and from near Winnipeg in Canada. Bit of an outdoorsman, enjoying ski-ing, Kayaking etc and of course: Hockey.

During that evening various establishments were visited. We ended up in a bar where we challenged a couple of Cambodian guys to pool (as I had been itching for a game fora while), It may have been my inebriation, but I could not understand the peculiar rules they were using. Well the peculiar rules, which took 10 minutes to fathom, were that they were potting odds and evens, rather than spots and stripes which is what I thought was going on. In any case we were soundly thrashed several times. We tended to our wounded pride by drinking several pitchers of beer and dancing the night away.

The next day I nursed a hangover and generally planned some things to do during my time in Siem Reap. One of those things was to rent a bike to cycle around the area where the ancient and famous temples were. I bumped into Pat who was similarly hung over, and then later the couple from the bus. That evening I revealed my cunning plan to cycle around the temples. Pat said that sounded good and to knock on his door in the morning to go,
The next morning I tried to wake him as asked but there was no response! I tried a few more times but to no avail. With that, assuming that he had changed his mind, I went down to reception where they rented bikes at a very reasonable rate ($5 for the day), took one and headed out with a map in my pocket.
It was an absolutely fantastic journey. The weather was glorious (I did get a little burned). I found my way to the epic and magnificent Ankor Wat - the most notorious of the temples in the area. After paying a dollar to leave my bike near some other bikes I took a look around, It was very spectacular, although as it was nearing lunch it was starting to get very busy.
Following Angkor wat I rode around a further 5 or 6 temples, some were vast and magnificent such as Angkor Thom which had huge ornate pillars with faces carved into the stone. Another was smaller but built into the jungle with trees growing through the crumbling walls, and networks of winding roots sprawling over the walls, paving and ground.

The bike came equipped with a manly pink basket

With weary legs from cycling all day I made my way back to the guesthouse. I saw Pat who was fairly embarrassed to admit that we was not able to join me on the ride as he had been... "confined to the toilet" shall we say. I made him feel better by describing what an amazing and unmissable time I had experienced.

14. The border to Cambodia

The night bus to Bangkok was uneventful, and sleepless. We arrived in the city in the small hours (5 am or so). I once again had no intention of spending any more time in Bangkok than was absolutely necessary, and had already booked my onward travel from a harassed looking attendant at the packed ferry terminal leaving Kho Phagnan. It had scrawled on it that I was to be picked up at 9 from a hotel near a McDonalds on Kao San road.

Like the last time as we disembarked from the bus there was a small crowd of sleepy but eager looking taxi drivers waiting to take us where we needed to go. I did not recognise where I was so I asked one of the taxi drivers how much it would cost to go to Kao San road, expecting him to quote something exorbitant, but amazingly he told me I could just walk because it was only round the corner. I thanked him and headed off.

When I arrived I saw Kao San for in it's very small hours.  It was much the same as I had left it: rowdy bars; pop-up stalls selling various things; an impromptu party in the middle of the street where travellers had gathered around a portable stereo to dance. I was tired so rather than join in I focused on finding the pick up point for later. Eventually I found the posh hotel by the McDonalds. The staff helpfully advised that the mini bus pick up point was actually outside the McDonalds. So with that I went in there and purchased myself a McSomethingorother breakfast and settled in to wait.
I got talking to a couple from the UK who were also waiting for a transfer to Cambodia, except they were heading to Siam Reap in the north rather than the capital Phnom Penh which is where I was headed. After whiling away a couple more hours it came to pick up time so we gathered outside. As I had become accustomed to from Thai transfers; They were late. The girl from the couple was obviously less patient and agonised over where they were at length. There were a few other people waiting with us, a Canadian guy called Pat and some Thai holiday makers. I conversed briefly with Pat who was also headed to Siem Reap as well. I was starting to think that my plan to go to Phnom Pehn first was foolish! Although whilst I say plan, the only thing I had resolved to do was go to Phnom Pehn and then Vietnam at some point thereafter. Well after about another hour, and more fretting from the girl a man sauntered over and lead us to the minibus.

The journey to the border took us around 4 hours which was mostly spent chatting with the couple and Pat. During this time I decided that I too would head to Siem Reap, since obviously that's what all the cool kids were doing. It made sense too because going from there to Phnom Pehn was a neat line that could lead to the coast.
We got to the border and were hoofed out into some kind of office in the middle of nowhere that seemed to be something to do with tourism, or maybe it was a restaurant. It was tough to tell. I had been warned by my guidebook that where would be people that would try to rip you off going from Thailand to Cambodia for visas and connections etc - so had a suspicion that this what was happening here. However it did not seem like we had much of a choice, and also the office rep character was quite convincing in his assurances that this was all completely necessary and normal. Fundamentally I wasn't overly concerned because it seemed like going along with it would result in me being in Cambodia, which is all I really cared about at that point. In the end the price was fine, their fee, the visa, transport and changing my ticket from Phnom Pehn to Siem Reap turned out to only be inflated by something like $10 from the absolute minimum when I worked it out later, All of us English speakers booked into the same guest house as it seemed like a good deal.

With all of the admin complete we were loaded into a covered pick up (like the Sanglanthews in Chiang Mai) accompanied by the "rep" from the office. It was only a short ride, after which we  enjoyed a walk to the border proper. On the walk our rep lectured us all about how we must be careful in Cambodia because everything is terrible there. We would be ripped off for converting our home currency, so before we go we should take some Thai Baht from an ATM machine to change. Then he also told us to be careful on the way to the border, and look nobody in the eye in case we get mugged. The tensions between Thailand and Cambodia must run deep!
In the end it was fine and apart from having to queue for a long time none of us had any issues getting into the country,

My first impression of Cambodia was that people generally seemed a little worse off, some people begging and on the roads I saw quite a few vehicles that appeared to just be an engine with a pole sticking out of it and a seat nailed on, chugging along at 20 mph.

The journey was only interrupted by our requests to stop for a snack and to change our money. So we were taken to a random featureless building where we all changed up our Thai Baht for Cambodian dollars. Well, they were US Dollars but apparently that we the de facto currency here thanks to runaway inflation of the actual currency: riels.

Siam Reap

We arrived in Siem Reap in the early evening and after a pleasant tuk tuk ride we booked into the Angkor Thom guest house and I am pleased to confirm that we did not get ripped off or mugged by anyone.

13. Full Moon Party

In the last exciting installment of: why I am a buffoon, I described how I slept through the half moon party. Well I refused to have it be a thing that I would leave Ko Phagnan without experiencing some sort of [phase of moon] party. The full moon party was in just under 2 weeks time, so I decided that in the name of science I would bear the unwanted task of being on sunny Ko Phagnan till then.

One thing that had been plaguing the island were endless power cuts. The day after the half moon there was another one of these - except this time it did not seem like it would ever end! I met up with Jack and his friend and we decided to see if the power cuts were only affecting First Villas by taking a trip to Had Rin beach (where the full moon party would be). We were joined by my other neighbors: a brother sister pair from California.

We grabbed a taxi and headed out. Once there we quickly discovered that they too had no power either. Well we decided to make the most of our visit, and made our way to a bar to drank a million Changs in the rain and gloom. The power never did come back on so eventually we drunkenly got a taxi back in pitch blackness.

A few days later Jack and his friend headed off to Ko Phi Phi. Almost as soon as they had departed the monsoon hit with a fury that lasted for days. That meant that for pretty much the remainder of my stay my intended activities were hampered somewhat. Well: I say activities, although this might be a bit of a grand description for my designs on sitting around on the beach. Anyway instead of that I spend most of my time in shelter reading, drinking and chilling. I did take the odd trip to the nearest town to explore and get drenched.
On one occasion in the interest of keeping active I visited a gym. I managed to track one down in a nearby town with help from the couple who ran first villas. It turned out that this gyms primary function was for Mai Thai boxing training, so the equipment all flanked a boxing ring where people were practicing sparring. I huffed and puffed on equipment near the edge and attempted to look rough and like I belonged there.

Eventually the night of the full moon dawned. I had obviously vowed to not miss it come hell or high water. So I had booked a taxi ages in advance and was ready waiting a good 20 minutes before it was due. A pickup containing some other revelers duly arrived and we were on our way over the hills to Had Rin! We made good time and I found a transformed place from the one I had visited some days ago, being as it was, stuffed with 20,000 luminous party goers all going for it on a one mile stretch of beach.

It wasn't only this picture that got blurry

I felt conspicuously sober, so grabbed the first bucket of booze I could find, and headed into the throng. It was good fun chatting to strangers and checking out the different djs dotted about the place. After a while I plopped down onto the beach and got talking to a group of English folk: Paul, Rita, Jane and Simon*. We quickly found out that we were all from the same town! What are the chances, dear reader?

I can't remember who suggested it but we all agreed to drink shots from Mellow Mountain. Things went a bit sideways after that. Everyone in unison felt compelled to have a lie down on the beach. I spent some time enjoying looking at the various vast epic vistas i could see playing out on the clouds above me.

Various party-goers did pop over to chat to us on our backs  staring in amazement at the sky, curious as to what the big deal was. One of the only such chat I remember is one girl, dressed in loomy clothes and body paint. She asked how I was, I told her I was fine, and decided to pay the best compliment I could manage, so I said that she was colourful.

One inkling of sense beamed through the fog of my inebriation. It alerted me to the fact that these gigantic clouds that we were staring at might have some water in them. As I shared my epiphany with the others it started to absolutely chuck it down. Back to Mushroom Mountain we hurriedly went for shelter, finally making it with only minor injuries.
From then on I don't really remember anything. I am fairly sure that at one point me and one of the group may have found out how to end global conflict... or was it the cure starvation? I'm not sure. I could have sworn that I had written it on my hand, but when I checked the next day there was only a smiley face drawn there.

I finally got back to First Villas with about 5 hours to pack everything and have a snooze before my onward ferry. Timing the ferry ticket for the day after the full moon party probably slightly foolish in hindsight. Not only because I was quite hung over and bleary, but also that half of the tourists on the island had the same idea, which I realised at the ferry port which was bursting at the seams when I got there.
The ferry to Surat Thani was massively full. Still the buses to Bangkok were comfortable and I caught up on some sleep. I was headed for Cambodia!

* These names are completely made up. At this point I had drunk about 3 bucketfuls of drink, and so I had absolutely no idea what their names were.

12. The half moon un-party on Ko Phagnan

The weather was distinctly monsoon-y, and this reflected very much in the choppiness of the ocean as the ferry heaved its way towards Ko Phagnan. This rendered a large proportion of the passengers seasick, and meant that I had to spend a lot of the journey trying to ignore that and hold on to my lunch.

Before leaving Ko samui I had learned that one of the people I had become friends with from my dive group, Jack, was already on Ko Phagnan. I had sent him a message telling him I had planned to go there too. He let me know where was he staying: at "First Villas" with a friend of his. So with this in mind after the ferry docked I found a taxi willing to take me there. It took about half an hour of insanely twisty and hilly roads to arrive. It was in the absolute middle of nowhere, and wasn't really a backpacker style of place either. It had numerous spread out individual bungalows and a pool, set next to the shoreline. I had to admit it was picturesque. After arrival I booked into a bungalow, fired Jack a quick message, and promptly fell asleep.

The next day heralded the half moon party, probably going to a [INSERT FRACTION HERE] moon party is the primary reason for most young people visiting this island - so I was eager to see what the fuss was all about! The half moon party is apparently not on "Had Rin" beach like the full moon party, but in a bit of jungle somewhere. Jack had responded to my message and agreed to meet up that afternoon. He told me his room number and after searching for a quarter of an hour I realised that his bungalow was just next to mine! So feeling thoroughly silly I knocked on the door but nobody was home.

I spent the rest of the day having a look around the surrounding area, which transpired to not take very long because I only found a bit of road with one lonely looking restaurant on it.

Later that evening I was enjoying a Chang on my porch, and began to wonder what had happened to Jack. Almost as I thought that I saw him and his friend shambling back into First villas looking a little bit disheveled. I got their attention. They wandered over and after a brief greeting they confessed that they had gone to Had Rin beach and taken a mushroom shake. Drugs! Dear reader, can you believe that? They then proceeded to describe various imaginary things they had seen in immaculate detail. It was actually quite amusing listening to them, so I tried to not laugh as they talked. Eventually Jack said he thought it would be a good idea to have a little nap, but was still up for the half moon party. As that should go on all night, it looked like we can easily accommodate a snooze, so they both went back to theirs, saying that they'd set an alarm for 12.

Well I dozed off, and apparently nobody set an alarm at all, so we all slept soundly through the night.

I woke up in the morning feeling thoroughly silly.

11. Ko Samui

After Ko Tao Rob, Tony and I visited Ko Samui.

We hopped on a ferry over to the island, wherupon Tony haggled so furiously with taxi drivers that nobody wanted to take us to a guesthouse, so we basically started off walking across the island (which it turned out would have taken hours and hours) when a minibus passed by and offered a fare more to Tony's liking.


There were a couple of boozy nights out, I think one one of them I drunkenly tried to haggle with a hooker but seem to remember she got fed up of my antics so just gave me a free kiss.
I also saw a proper Thai kick boxing match which was enjoyable. It was in stark contrast to the one from Phi Phi which was more of a pantomime. This was clearly more real and two people I had never heard of fought in the title bout. One of them was victorious (apologies for the lack of detail, I honestly forgot their names as soon as I heard them!).

Rob and Tony outside the arena

Compared with the other places I had travelled to in Thailand, and possibly because of them I found the island to be tedious, uninteresting and overpriced. It seemed to me to be a dreary amalgamation of Hotels and sports pubs next to a bit of beach. That it was sunny was my only clue that I was in Thailand!

It was good to travel with Rob and Tony for a while, however this was the last stop of their Thailand trip - they were on their way to Perth to find work. So the time came for us to say our goodbyes, I wished them luck and headed off for Ko Phagnan, the last on my island hopping tour.

10. Bans diving resort - 3 of 3. Advanced open water

When I had set off travelling it had been a goal of mine to learn to scuba dive, and I had finally achieved becoming a certified diver! I was celebrating this in "the fish bowl" along with the other few new graduates of bans diving resort. Alcohol flowed freely and at some stage I even drunkenly persuaded a girl to show me her apartment.

Our diving group celebrated our victory. I can be seen here miming the size of a fish I saw

After the visit I decided to make my way home, and staggered back to my apartment (still pretty drunk). When I got back I blearily discovered that I didn't have my key. The apartment was one large room containing 3 beds and accessed by a large french window, where I was stood, locked out. Inside I could see that the light was on, and Tony was sleeping, so I banged on the french windows, hoping to wake him.

"TONY!" I shouted.

Nothing.

I tried again, and again until about five minutes had passed with me hammering and shouting trying to rouse the slumbering lump. Eventually there was movement from an unexpected part of the apartment when the bathroom door swung open and out hopped Rob completely naked. He scurried over, clutching his tackle, unlocked the door, and scuttled back into the bathroom. I thought nothing about this, and passed out in my bed.

The next day I learned that Rob had in fact been with a lady in the bathroom, and had to stop half way through to come and let me in. Not only that but he told me the next day that they had moved things back into our room shortly after! I remembered none of this.

On my day off, very hungover, I met up with my dive buddy Jack. We jumped on his quad bike to go to a place that did mini golf. Or was it crazy golf? What is the difference? Anyway we nursed our heads and spent a few hours playing some size or sanity of golf. On the way back Jack thought it would be a laugh to see how fast the quad bike would go. The answer is very. Luckily quad bikes are quite loud, so most of my terrified screams were drowned out by the engine.

The following day heralded the start of the two day advanced diving course. I was happy to learn that the advanced course was more focused on the practical side of things and doing dives, so no more classroom boredom.

These dives were a blast. This was partly because we went to some interesting places, but also in no small part down to the fact that I was now a bit more competent underwater so felt less like I might drown at any moment. The course was highlighted by....

Wreck dive: This was a dive around a decommissioned battleship that had been scuppered near to Ko Tao fairly recently - solely for the benefit of visitors to dive around. It was fascinating to explore nonetheless.

Orientation dive: Up until this point we had always been accompanied Steve the dive master, however for this dive we were on our own. Each buddy pair made a map of the underwater terrain, then were free to randomly roam out across the reef at our leisure. Rob and I did fine, apart from when we thought we would try crossing from one reef to another, and ended up just swimming off into the open ocean where there we could see nothing but infinite blue ahead and featureless sand below. We started to get a little worried, realising that it seemed like we'd gone astray - so retraced our steps.

Night dive: This had to be my favourite of all the dives I did at Ko Tao. A group of about 4 set off at sunset with our normal gear and 2 torches. By the time we got to the dive site it was pitch black. Going down was creepy and amazing at the same time. When diving I find you  have a certain sense of weightlessness, and as it was night it was pitch black in all directions. As such it was easy for me to imagine that I was drifting in space, pulling myself along an invisible rope. After a minute or two torches started being switched on ahead, so was able to stick with the group, gradually descending until the reef eventually materialised ahead of us. It was interesting to observe the different marine life that emerged at night. It was also fun to occasionally look away from the reef and look into the complete blackness of the ocean, which gave me a very real feeling that I was floating in a void of nothingness. It only took a few second before I would feel a twinge of panic and quickly have to look back to the patches of light ahead, and realise that the world was still there.

So I would thoroughly recommend Ko Tao if you are thinking of travelling to Thailand, it might not feature as much diversity or marine life or coral as a few other places, but that is not to say that there isn't still plenty you can see. It is also relaxing to dive on an island where the diving is so common that the process has been refined to hassle free perfection. Alas my visit here came to an end, and I was to continue my island hopping trip to include Ko Samui.

9. Bans diving resort - 2 of 3

Our motorboat arrived at a giant wooden brick that was apparently the main diving vessel. We clambered aboard, and with a shiver it chugged in to life before heading out to deeper waters. In diving you always have to dive with a buddy, in case you panic or anything - they can give you a slap and tell you to pull yourself together.

That day I buddied up with an English guy called Jack, we checked our equipment over, had a final group talk and all too soon the boat arrived at the first dive site. I donned my fins and with a great deal of trepidation clumsily flapped over to the rear of the boat, and launched myself into the water.

My first dive in the sea! We weren't going deep: only 9 meters, but it felt a lot to me as I caught sight of the the dim ocean floor looming way below. As your body gets under pressure you being to feel a 'sqeeze', where the little pockets of air inside you get pressurised - especially in your ears. You have to equalise this pressure, by blowing on your nose, swallowing or wiggling your jaw about. And so that is how I descended: inching down the buoy rope frantically swallowing, waggling my jaw about and blowing on my nose. I took so long that Steve the instructor, and all the dive master helpers swam over to check that I was ok. We eventually all made it to the bottom, and practiced all of the techniques we had learned in the pool. I didn't really get a chance to look about too much - focused as I was on not messing up.
Tony seemed to be coping fine, despite the fear he had told us about yesterday. However that evening he did confess he'd found it hard, and that he wasn't sure he could finish the course. I attempted to persuade him to stick with it to the end, being that it was only 3 days, and he had already done one of them.

The next day was rather boring and contained no dives. We were just sat in classroom, learning theory.

The day after that was the last of the course. We went on a few more dives, getting familiar with how the whole diving thing worked, and to demonstrate a couple of skills that weren't too simple. The first was that I had to take all off all of my equipment and put it on again. The second was a simulation of being out of air. Or to put it another way: drowning. To do this I had to take off my mask, and Steve the instructor turned off my air. Very suddenly I could not breathe at all. I frantically batted at him to let him know I was suffocating, and he let the air flow again. Thinking about it I'm not sure if that part was actually part of the course at all, and was in fact just Steve getting some twisted kick out of torturing us.


This was probably the hardest part of the course, and to make sure that Tony could do it Steve yet again deployed Daphne the pretty dive master to do the skill demonstration individually with him. He did so admirably, even somehow managing to puff out his chest a little at the same time.
At midday we were brought back to land. That was the end of the practical side of the course. In the afternoon we sat the exam. Although to say exam would be a bit of an exaggeration. There were questions to answer, sure, with multiple choice answers - except that Daphne the dive master was in the room with us, and as soon as we didn't know an answer we asked her and she just told us. Unsurprisingly everyone passed. Nobody was more happy about this than Tony.

Rob and I had already signed up to go on to complete the advanced course as well. Tony felt that this would be a little much so did not decide to join us on that venture. The only issue was that the advanced course was scheduled to start the day after the exam. There were a few people in the same boat (pardon the pun) and everybody agreed that it was a little "full on", to start the day after. With a little persuading we managed to get Steve the instructor to let us all have the day off. He agreed, and so that meant party times ahoy.

8. Bans diving resort - 1 of 3

So my mission to learn to become a diver has come to fruition - I had arrived at ko Tao.

We arrived as dawn was breaking, and despite it being so early that there was barely enough light in the sky to see by, me and my prospective diver companions (Rob and Tony) found several people there sleepily peddling the services of various dive schools as we disembarked. I smiled and nodded non-commitally as one rep waggled a leaflet under my nose.


Tony had heard about a place so we ignored all of them and instead stated to nobody in particular that we'd like a taxi. Dutifully a man materialised in possession of a four by four pickup. We hopped in the back and the driver pulled away.
The rep that had shown me the leaflet was having none of this. As soon as he saw that we were leaving he jumped onto his scooter fired up the engine and took chase. He clutched to the side as we trundled along, handing us leaflets into the back of the pickup - we learned that he represented a dive school called Bans diving resort. We were at first dismissive, but then started to get genuinely concerned that the guy was going to disappear under the wheels of the pickup unless we agreed to at least look at Bans. So we told him that we would take a look. With that he pulled forward to the driver window and shouted some instructions to him. The pickup slowed into a u-turn which almost send the Bans rep flying into a bush, and we sped off in the opposite direction.

Bans turned out be ideal as far as I was concerned. The  small complex sprawled away from a little beach where there was a cafe, bar, and a small staging area for Bans pupils could jump onto boats and head into open water. Further back were a couple of practice pools where you would normally find some newby divers (like I was about to become) bubbling away under the surface, and finally some apartments set against a picturesque forested backdrop. We haggled our way into a palatial little suite for the three of us, full diving course for a really good price.

view from the beach at bans. Couple of dive boats off in the distance there

The next day heralded the beginning of the course. We had all signed up to both open water and advanced courses, which means we'll be qualified to dive to 18 and then 30 metres. During sign in we are instructed to meet at a block of onsite classrooms. So first thing the next morning we all headed to it. We meet our classmates, a group of around 8 people. We met our instructor - an awesome dutch guy in his fifties wearing a permanent grin and preceding most of his sentences with "alright guysh! ... "; and we also met a couple of the dive masters - who would be helping us out: Tom and Daphne.
We had a little overview and then watched an incredibly patronising video voiced by an American (Apparently it is frowned upon to remove all of you equipment for no reason whilst under water? Who knew). After that we were herded to one of the practice pools to learn how to don our various bits and bobs before all clumsily waddling out into the shallows.
We spent the next while learning the tricks of the diving trade, like how to not immediately drown and that kind of thing. Tony was having a little trouble with some of the methods we had to learn. He had told me yesterday that he had a slight fear of the water - and doing his open water diving course was a way to conquer this. So Steve (the instructor) had a solution for this, which was to pair him off with Daphne. Now Daphne was pretty, young, curvy and had a soft Italian accent. Tony: who seemed to have a soft spot for her amd didn't dare to be seen to lose face - so Steve the instructor's plan worked perfectly. Tony was up to speed in no time.

There was another day of "confined water" skills (in other words swimming around in circles in a pool), where everyone was itching to go out in the ocean; and before we knew it another beautiful day dawned in Thailand. we headed down to the jetty to board a massive motorboat. I was shitting my pants a little bit at this point, as I picked out the right size wetsuit and assorted equipment. I dumped it into a big bag and clambered onto the motor boat. Where is my tank of air? I suddenly thought in a panic.

"Alright guysh!" Announced Steve the instructor "We're going to head out to a few dives sitesh now, We are meeting up with a bigger boat we'll be diving from which has our air tanks and you'll do your buddy checksh there."*

"Whew" I think I said out loud.

With that the engines roared into life and we sped off towards our first ever ocean scuba dive!

*You may have read this in the voice of Sean Connery, and you would be right to because he didn't sound dissimilar